The Sentry
by wherewestandisnowhere
Summary: Maura's life is turned upside down when she lands in the witness protection program. How will she cope with her new life and her new Marshal? AU
1. Prologue

**So I wasn't lying when I said I was working on a new story many months ago in my last one shot. This one's an AU I just randomly thought up and it went on from there.**

**I know this chapter is short but it's just the prologue. I will be uploading the next two chapters in a few days to get the ball rolling and then updates will be weekly and most likely on Sundays.**

**I'd like to warn ahead of time that there will be a few small trigger warnings, especially in the next two chapters.**

**Nonetheless, thank you all for reading and giving this story a chance and thank you to all the followers who have read my previous stories. **

**Lastly thank you to my Beta for everything. I know I've been a pain to work with lately but you're amazing and this story wouldn't be what it is without you.**

**Okay, I don't own anything from R&I, I'm just using them. I think that's everything.**

**Enjoy and please, please review.**

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It's unbelievably crazy how fast life can change. How easily the world can throw a devastating blow.

Her entire life, all of it, was thrown away in a mere 24 hours.

She was forced to reinvent herself. Become someone new.

Maura Isles, that's her new name. Boston, Massachusetts, that's her new home.

Her once grand, mountaintop home with glass over looks and her infinity pool, that's probably destroyed. Blown up by the cartel, no doubt.

Now she lives in the shittiest, tiniest little studio apartment. The bathroom is in the closet for Christ's sake. She has to walk through what little of her designer wardrobe she was allowed to keep in order to get to her bathroom.

It's completely insane.

She didn't even get to keep her car, the one Jimmy bought her. It may have only been a Prius, but it was hers.

She remembers when he asked what she wanted. A Maserati? A Bugatti? Hell, he even offered her a Maybach! But she was different; she wasn't who you'd expect to be a part of this life. She wanted a Prius!

She was married to James Price, the head of an entire drug kingpin. He was a murderer and pusher and supplier of the largest shipments of drugs into and out of the country.

And she wanted a Prius.

You could say she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that her entire life was a result of misplaced events. And it all started when she met James Price at a school she never wanted to go to.

And love led her astray.

She finished college. You'd be surprised to hear that if you met her after all of this mess. She got her Bachelors of Science in human biology at the University of Southern California.

She didn't want to go there. She wanted to go out of state, but not the state right next door to home. Yeah L.A. was a whole different world compared to Prescott, Arizona. But it wasn't prestigious like the schools she truly wanted to attend. She got into Yale and Boston Cambridge, her top two, but she couldn't afford them. How different would things have been had she risked the debt to go to those schools instead?

She was a few years older than James and they met his junior year when she was just starting med school. It was her first year and she hadn't selected a discipline yet.

He was a chemistry major, and a brilliant one at that. He just barely scraped by in his general education classes, but he got the highest scores in all of his chemistry classes.

By the second semester of his freshman year, he was already working in the lab under the tutelage of their premiere chemistry professor, researching clean energy chemistry.

Somehow in two years after meeting, he managed to sweep her off her feet, quit school and build a small drug business of his own methamphetamine cook.

She didn't know, until he begged her to drop out and move back home with him to Arizona.

She wanted to say no. It was wrong and she wanted to be a doctor, not the girlfriend of a drug lord.

But she loved him. He made her feel things she never knew she could feel.

She almost refused, until a frantically taken at home pregnancy test confirmed she was carrying his child. And then she was left with the decision that would haunt her for eternity.

She couldn't say no and be left pregnant and in debt while trying to finish medical school and then a residency.

No, it was her only option.

Had she known a month later after they were already married, that she would lose the baby, she _might_ have stayed. She _might_ have graduated and become some form of doctor. Her life would have been different yet again.

Her life had become a giant 'what if' at the hands of James Price.

Completely unpredictable and unhealthy.

And in the end, was this the price she had to pay for loving him?

She didn't know. But one thing she was sure of was that timing was never on her side.

In just five years, his product swept the markets all over the world.

He taught two of his closest friends the cook and that's all they did, for weeks at a time. Procure the necessary chemicals, cook, sell, vacation, and repeat.

He taught two more men, whom she did not trust, and he expanded again.

Soon he didn't have to have his hands directly in the operation. He was a certified drug lord and she was his wife.

She still loved him, even on nights when she cleaned his bloody knuckles or when she watched him clean his recently fired pistol.

She hated him too. She hated the man he was and the cruelties he'd performed.

But she couldn't leave him. She couldn't give it all up and she certainly couldn't break his heart.

Because under all of that toughness, and cunning, and just pure evil, he loved her.

And when things started to take a turn for the worse, he told her what to do if he ever didn't come home.

So when the last two men he brought into his lab to teach the cook turned on him and started cooking south of the border, she became so frightened for their lives.

Every day she kissed him like it could be her last.

And one day it was.

He texted her right before he died and that single text saved her life.

She called the number he gave her and spilled everything she knew to the DEA.

Within a couple of hours, her life was packed up and she was relocated to that shitty little apartment in Boston.

She had everything she never wanted, and this was the price to pay. Now her life was at the mercy of WITSEC.


	2. Of Marshals and Witnesses

**I'm unbelievably amazed by ALL of the follows after just the prologue. Seriously girls and guys, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!**

**As promised, here is chapter 1, and chapter 2 will be released tomorrow.**

**Trigger warning for brief mentions of suicide towards the end.**

**Again thank you all so much and please review.**

* * *

After the worst 24 hours of her life, she's finally in a bed getting some rest.

She lost everything: the love of her life, all of their money and all the efforts of his hard work. It all seems pointless now. It was all for nothing wasn't it?

She can't stop the tears from falling as soon as the Marshals leave her alone in the tiny apartment. Hot tears stain the sheets of her new bed until she cries herself into an unsettling slumber.

She isn't asleep long before there's a knock on the door. When she doesn't immediately answer, it turns into pounding.

"Miss Isles, open the door," A woman's raspy voice demands from outside.

"Alright, alright," she shouts before finally pulling herself from bed and answering the door.

As soon as the door is cracked a lanky brunette with long, tangled curls rushes past her into her living room without any sense of introduction.

"You just let some stranger into your apartment when you know men are out to kill you?" The woman demands as soon as she enters.

"Well I doubt the cartel is going to knock before killing me," Maura shoots back.

The woman gives her a look that says fair enough before continuing. "Alright, Miss Isles, we've got to go over some ground rules," the woman says while taking a seat on the tacky couch that came furnished in the apartment.

"I'm sorry, you are?" Maura wonders. "It's insulting and completely rude of you to just come barging in here without even the slightest introduction."

"Listen here blondie," the brunette begins, rising from her seat. She's taller than Maura, which she notices once she steps closer to her. "I have keys to this place and could have used them, but I decided to give you at least that much privacy and civil liberty."

"So instead of just coming in, you bang on my door like a madwoman? And so you're the one I have to blame for this terrible apartment and its terrible décor," Maura bites back. She's not one to argue, but this woman is rubbing her the wrong way.

"This isn't some vacation! You live where the U.S. Marshals put you. We're not here trying to make sure you have all the luxuries you had before. We're here to make sure you're safe," she shouts. "This is a hell of a lot better than the life most criminals get. You should feel lucky you have information the government wants or this would be a jail cell."

She can't believe the nerve of this woman. She barges into her apartment and makes demands and accusations without a single hint of courtesy and then calls her a criminal. "As much as I don't appreciate your attitude, can you just tell me who you are and why you're here at ten o'clock at night? Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow morning?" Maura demands.

The brunette growls, clearly agitated. "This couldn't wait until morning. You're under our service which means there are some ground rules." She steps closer, invading Maura's space.

"Get a job, blend in with society and acclimate into life here," Maura lists off. "The other Marshals already told me," she says looking straight into the woman's eyes, challengingly, "and they were a lot nicer about it."

"No Miss Isles, those are not rules, those are goals. Look I need you to be cooperative here," the brunette says, some of the hostility finally draining from her tone.

"I would have been a lot more cooperative if you could be a little more respectful. I'm just going to chalk it up to you having a terrible day or something. Maybe I can get you some tea? Chamomile is very soothing," Maura suggests. She figures if she's nicer, maybe her intruder will be too.

The woman looks to be at a loss a moment before she chuckles a little to herself. It's all a bit confusing for Maura. One minute the brunette's temper is uncontrollable and the next she's laughing.

"No, I'd like to keep this simple," the woman finally answers, her eyes trained on entrancing, viridescent ones.

Silence ensues as the woman continues to stare at Maura. "So," Maura prompts, not knowing how to strike conversation with a complete stranger, "well you know who I am and I still have no idea who you are."

"Right," the brunette says, snapping out of her trance. "I am Deputy United States Marshal Jane Rizzoli and I'm the head of your case." The brunette finally answers. Her tone is noticeably calmer than it was when she first showed up.

"Oh I met your husband earlier," Maura says upon hearing the similar surname. She hopes that finding some familiarity with the brunette will get her to be a little less hostile.

"God no," Jane retches comically. It's a crack in the prickly exterior she's been hiding behind since she walked through the door. "Miss Isles, that was my brother, Frankie and my partner, Frost. I was busy so Frankie took my place to pick you up."

"You and your brother are both Marshals?" Maura wonders. It's pretty impressive to her. She hopes that maybe asking Jane about herself will make her feel more comfortable, and not come off so harsh. Everyone likes talking about themselves right?

"Yeah, it happens," Jane says sharply before clearing her throat. Maura realizes that it's not much of an answer. And just like that, the crack has sealed and Jane is back to being all business. "So, WITSEC is here to make sure that our witnesses are safe first, but we also make sure they become well-adjusted to their new lives as efficiently as possible." She speaks almost robotically like she's reading a brochure.

"However your safety depends on you. We can hide you away and keep you monitored, give you new names and lives, but it's up to you to keep up the façade. Which means, absolutely no, none whatsoever, contact with anyone from your old life. Not your parents, not your friends, not your dead dog. No letters, emails, phone calls, no trace. As far as anyone knows Maura Price is dead so keep it that way," Jane says.

"Barry has already gone through all that with me. There's no one from home that's still alive, anyways," Maura says sadly.

"I'm sorry, Miss Isles," Jane apologizes. Normally she doesn't feel bad. Good riddance to all of the drug lords and mafia members and wrongdoers who her witnesses have turned on. But for some small reason, something inside of her makes her apologize. Something inside of her makes her sympathize. She hates it.

"Maura," She corrects her, a small smile brimming her lips.

"Maura," Jane affirms pleasantly, her eyes trained on the perfect, pearly white teeth she's just revealed. "Well other than that, the rest has to do with our goals to get you assimilated into the community here." Her eyes trail to lips and she quickly tries to look away. "B-but you uh- look exhausted. Uh, what time do you expect to wake up tomorrow?" Jane wonders as she panics internally.

"Umm-"

"Right, nevermind. Just- 12 o'clock I'll uh- come and pick you up and buy you lunch okay?" Jane interrupts her. It's not protocol and it's not something Jane would ever do for a witness like Maura. She's often not extremely kind to the witnesses they're protecting from their own wrongdoings. But she's panicking. She's caught herself staring at her witness too many times and she's admitted to herself at least twice that the woman is gorgeous. It's completely off putting and it's ruining her usually impenetrable exterior.

"O-okay," Maura stutters. She can't quite grasp the woman's hot and cold demeanor.

"Alright. Here's my card. It has all my contact information on it," Jane rushes out while holding out a white slip. "I'll see you tomorrow, Maura."

Jane leaves as quickly as possible. The fresh air she receives once she's finally out of the blonde's apartment is liberating. She tells herself not to enter the domicile again unless absolutely necessary.

Maura watches her leave and just sits there for a moment. Out of everything that has happened in the last 24 hours, this moment is the one that solidifies that her life will never be the same.

That white slip with the name and number of a peculiar Deputy U.S. Marshal, that's her only connection to the world.

She stares at it for long moments while sitting on that tacky armchair and it hits her that the woman she just started off with on bad terms is the only human comfort in this huge foreign city.

She has no one.

She's alone.

And that's the worst of it all.

She feels the tears again. She feels them forming, but she wills them away.

She will not cry again.

And she won't sleep again.

It doesn't come to her as easily as it did at the end of her earlier breakdown.

She can't stop thinking. And the thoughts range.

Should she just kill herself? What does she have tethering her to this world? She's no one anymore. And anything and anyone she's ever known is gone. She's a fugitive hiding from the men who were supposed to be her husband's friends. The love of her life is dead and who is she without him?

And suddenly, regret floods her mind.

She loved Jimmy so much, but how different would life have been had she not made the decision to follow him. She could be a doctor right now. Would she have been happy?

Was she even happy with Jimmy?

She watches the sun rise through the only window of her new home.

It's not beautiful or inspiring or life changing. It doesn't make her happy to see another day. It fills her with more regret, self-hate and suicidal thoughts.

Will she ever be happy again?


	3. Of Diners and Scars

**Again the responses and feedback is so amazing. Thank you all for reading.**

**Also a big thank you to my Beta for helping me shape these first few chapters into what they needed to be.**

**Here is chapter 3 as promised.**

**Trigger warning for a few mentions of suicide towards the beginning. That should do it for the TWs.**

**Enjoy and review please :)**

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Maura somehow manages to get ready for her lunch and look presentable despite the unmistakable dark rings under her eyes.

Jane picks her up in a black sedan, what she assumes is a government vehicle. It's silent mostly, and awkward during their drive. She feels like an enemy when she's around Jane, but something makes her want to change that. Despite the way Jane has treated her, she wants to be her friend. Maybe that's just desperation, though. She's never been good at making friends and Jane will be the only constant in her life, even if it's forced.

"I hope you don't mind diner food," Jane says after long moments of tense silence.

"I don't mind," Maura shrugs.

That's the last they speak until they reach a small diner by the harbor.

"This is one of my favorite places," Jane admits before exiting the car.

Maura follows on her heals. The diner isn't much. It looks pretty old, but no different from any normal diner she's been too. What gets her is the name, The Dirty Robber. It's odd and not very inviting.

"Janie," Maura hears a man say to her Marshal before a somewhat larger man envelops her in a hug.

"Hey Korsak, how's retirement treating you?" She asks him.

The familiarity between them strikes Maura with wonder. They're clearly old friends, which seems weird to her. She wonders why Jane would allow a glimpse into her life. It doesn't seem like something she'd do. Even in her brief acquaintanceship with her, she can tell she's one to keep personal and professional life separate.

"Aw it's good, ya know? I've been mostly relaxing, but now that Tracey's daughter's college degree finally paid off I've been helping out here until we can find a replacement," he tells her.

"Lena got a job? Ah, good for her," Jane converses.

"She misses you," he says.

Maura considers clearing her throat. She's pretty sure Jane has forgotten about her. She doesn't get the chance when the man looks at her.

"Who's this?" He asks finally, his eyes rising suggestively.

Jane shakes her head and Maura's sure she's missed some suggestive look on her face because the man just nods his head in understanding.

"Right, I'll get you ladies a booth," he says without even asking Maura's name.

"Sorry, he was my old partner," Jane explains when they're seated.

Maura thinks she's only told her that bit of information simply so she doesn't feel so awkward. But she also thinks there's a probability that Jane hasn't brought anyone else here to meet her old partner.

"He was a Marshal?" Maura wonders.

"One of the best," Jane says without pause. She examines Maura a moment now that they're sitting across from each other. "You didn't sleep."

It's a simple change of subject, but Maura wonders if she's that transparent. The dark circles are noticeable, but not indicative of just how little she slept.

"I'm no psychic," Jane laughs, sensing Maura's questions. "It's just normal. Your whole life has been changed. So first thing on the docket then, is mental health. WITSEC provides emotional support and therapy just say the word and I'll make an appointment," Jane explains.

"I don't think-"

"How many times in the last 36 hours have you contemplated suicide?" Jane interrupts.

It throws Maura for a loop. How could she have known?

"If it's even once please let me make the call," Jane begs sincerely.

Maura sees something in her eyes. A weakness? Something that lets her known that Jane may just have seen it all. Has she lost a witness to suicide? Either way, this is a very different Jane than the one she met last night. It's a side of Jane she's finding easier to trust.

"Okay," Maura relents.

"I'll make an appointment. We are working on securing a car for you, but I may have to take you," she tells her.

"Even if you get me a car, could you- could you still come with me?" She doesn't know why she asks, but she knows that Jane is her only chance for comfort. Even if they don't really know each other, Maura knows she needs her.

Jane looks shocked, almost like she doesn't know what to say so she nods instead. "Yeah I could do that."

Maura watches as Jane wrings her hands nervously and that's when she sees them.

"Hypertrophic scarring," Maura narrates as she moves a hand forward towards Jane's.

Jane pulls back immediately and hides her hands under the table.

"It looks like it just missed the proximal ligament," she mutters mostly to herself.

"It's nothing," Jane tells her, though she's slightly amazed at how much knowledge Maura has.

"They were symmetric," Maura muses.

"Forget about it," Jane says.

"Do they hurt?" Maura asks, not letting it go. "Neuropathy can be quite common. It's very hard to avoid nerve damage when something punctures the hand. There are so many nerves and arteries in our hands." She says while flexing her own.

"Maura," Jane shouts. There's the Jane she met last night.

"I'm sorry, it's just…nothing. I'm sorry that was rude of me," she apologizes, realizing Jane is self-conscious of her hands and possibly the story surrounding their mutilation. Oddly though, she finds them beautiful even despite their marring.

"You remember a lot from high school anatomy?" Jane asks, trying to steer the conversation away from her hands.

"No I uh- you don't ask a lot about your witness's pasts do you?" Maura wonders.

"That's not my job. I only need to know enough to keep them safe. I try not to dwell in my witness's lives. I'd rather not find out anymore of the terrible things they've done," Jane shrugs. Maura can hear the bitterness in her tone.

"Well I-"

"What can I get you ladies?" Korsak asks, interrupting her.

"The usual and you got a case of my special beer?" Jane asks.

"Waiting on shipment," he smiles.

"Awesome, call me when it's in and I'll pick it up," she responds, receiving a nod in return.

"And you ma'am?" He asks Maura.

"I'll have the club sandwich and a water please," she says, catching Jane frown out of the corner of her eye.

"What's wrong?" Maura asks when the man leaves.

"Nothing," Jane laughs airily.

"Tell me," She demands.

"You order the cheapest thing on the menu yet you complain about the size of your government issued apartment," Jane points out. "I know civil servant doesn't scream rich Maura, but I can afford more than a club sandwich."

"I didn't-"

"You did, subconsciously, but you did." Jane interrupts her. She doesn't know why it bothers her so much that Maura questioned her ability to afford their meal, but it does. It's not even a date, but she feels her pride tested a bit. "Don't sweat it."

"I'm sorry," she responds and things go quiet once again.

"H-how did you and um- Frankie end up being Marshals? It's quite a feat to make and the both of you-"

"Nope." Jane stops her.

"I'm sorry?" Maura questions.

"Remember how I said I didn't want to know about your past? Well it works both ways. I don't share blondie," Jane explains.

That's when she realizes Jane is not a normal woman. She doesn't talk about her personal life and Maura respects her wishes. Jane Rizzoli doesn't seem like someone who easily puts herself out there. She's just happy she got to experience that small sliver into her life when they first walked into the diner. And now Jane's walls are back up. She just hopes they'll lower again.

But all Maura has about her is her past, because everything that's her present is Jane and she can't talk to Jane about Jane. It's all so confusing.

So things get rather silent at their table until their food arrives.

The sandwich that Jane ordered looks amazing compared to hers.

While eating her own food she can't help herself from watching Jane as she eats. Hers looks so much more appetizing.

When she catches herself lick her lips while looking at Jane's, she keeps her eyes trained back on her plate. She doesn't really know if it was the food that caused her to lick her lips and that's what displeases her the most.

The next thing she knows a small plate is pushed across the table to her.

"Here," Jane says chuckling. "It's a Reuben."

"Jane, I don't want to eat your food," Maura denies.

"Come on, I can tell you want to try it. Besides I never finish," Jane lies.

"Thanks," Maura says taking the sandwich.

"Yeah, just don't worry about my wallet so much next time," Jane responds and Maura shivers at the thought that there will be a next time. She's sure Jane realizes her implications because seconds later she's back on topic. "Alright, we've got to get you acclimated which means you're going to need to start looking for a job. Our goal is to get you self-sustainable within six months."

"And then?" Maura wonders.

"And then you only need to check in with us once a year so long as they don't need you to keep testifying. Then we'll be working together longer so we can keep you protected," Jane explains.

"Okay," Maura nods.

"I have a bunch of files in the car to help you find employment here. You need to be actively looking for work or your subsidence payments will be terminated," she tells her.

"I understand," Maura answers.

"Okay, well I've got another appointment soon so I should get you home," Jane says before heading up to the front of the diner.

Maura watches as Jane laughs with Korsak while he works the register. She doesn't know whether to interrupt, would that be prying?

After a moment she gets up and hears the remnants of their conversation.

"Hey soon you're gonna be running that place," Korsak says.

"I don't know if I want that. I like working the field," Jane responds.

"But it's harder now isn't it, after ya know?" He says sadly.

"Yeah, but I think it's made me a lot more protective now." She shrugs.

"We do what we can," he adds.

"Yeah," she sighs turning and noticing Maura's presence. "Umm tell Lena to call me. I'd love to hear about that new job," Jane tells him before slapping two twenty dollar bills on the counter.

"Janie," he says in refusal.

"Don't worry about it," she says and walks out the door with Maura following behind.

She's expecting another quiet car ride, but Jane's a lot more talkative. Maura tries to steer clear of unwanted topics while they talk. She's realizing that talking to Jane is like stepping on eggshells, but if you manage to step around them you can get a pleasant conversation out of her.

"The files are in the glove compartment," she says once they're in the car. "There are also some good takeout menus. I uh don't know if you cook so I figured they'd come in handy."

"Thanks, I um. I don't cook. I mean I do I just, can't for one person," Maura says sadly.

"Oh," Jane hums awkwardly. The implications in Maura's tone say enough. She doesn't know what comes over her when she says "maybe I could come over for dinner one night." She wants to smack herself when she realizes what she's just done. "You know so you can cook something." She wants to kick herself. She told herself not to go back over to Maura's apartment and now she's just offered to do so in the future.

"No, I'd- I'd love that." Maura smiles.

"Cool. And I can uh cook too, if you ever want me to bring you a home cooked meal. Me or my Ma, we 're Italian so we cook a lot," she reveals then shuts up. She has no idea what's coming over her. Maura is ruining every rule she's learned to implement to keep her personal life separate from work. Jane Rizzoli does not share, especially with criminals. So why did she just offer up so many parts of herself?

Even Maura realizes how much background information Jane is giving up. It's not much, but it at least reveals that Jane's got more than just a brother and she must be somewhat close with her family.

The air in the car is surprisingly more awkward than it's ever been, though. Maura has no idea what else to say. She realizes if Jane doesn't start the conversation, there is none.

And now that Jane has made herself feel uncomfortable, she doesn't want to talk anymore. She can't risk giving up any more information.

"Thanks for lunch," Maura says when they pull up to her apartment building.

"You're welcome," Jane answers.

Maura briefly doesn't know what to do and there's a pause before she finally opens the door. She walks off without a goodbye until Jane stops her.

"Maura," she calls, causing her to turn around. "I almost forgot. This is your new cell phone, for emergencies. Standard government issue," she explains before handing over a virtually archaic cell phone.

"I-uh, thanks," Maura replies. "Bye, Jane."

"Take care, Maura," Jane says before driving off and leaving an extremely perplexed blonde behind.


	4. Of Doctors and Questions

**Over 100 follows! I am beyond thankful to everyone. Seriously it amazes me that you all want to read my work.**

**So thank you, thank you and here's chapter 3.**

**Next chapter will be released next Sunday...maybe earlier if you feed the ego :)**

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Over the next few days, Maura settles in and gets used to the fact that her living arrangements are composed of three very cramped little rooms shaped in one perfect little rectangle.

Two steps from her bed and she's in her living room/dining room. Two more and she's in her kitchen. Four steps back and two in a perpendicular direction and she's in her closet/bathroom.

A bed, a dresser, a couch, an armchair, a TV, a foldable table and two chairs.

A small wardrobe of clothes.

A very affordable and very beat up car.

Those are the only possessions of Maura Isles. And besides the clothes, they're all owned by the government of the United States of America.

Was it worth it?

That's the haunting question. The one she asks every night before bed and every morning after waking.

She loved him though. Anything is worth a love like theirs right?

She doesn't know.

The job search is daunting. Who wants to hire a thirty year old with no job experience and no references?

She's useless.

A knock on her door stops her contemplations.

Two steps and she's answering her door to find Jane on the other side.

"It's time?" Maura sighs.

"Yeah," Jane responds.

She's not afraid of doctors. She wanted to be one. But she's also not one who readily wants to spill to some shrink who's going to analyze everything about her.

So she was a foster child? Some shrink is going to have a field day with that. And she ended up falling in love with one of the most dangerous men in the world.

That's icing on the cake.

She's never been normal and she never will be and no doctor will ever make her feel like she can fit in.

Isn't that what they're for, to help you cope and feel more comfortable in society? Or are they there to make you happy again? Because Jimmy made her happy and they can't give him back. Her old life made her happy (most of the time) and that's gone forever. She has nothing, so how is some head doctor supposed to help her find peace in her new hell?

Jane is her peace; she's slowly realizing that.

When she steps out of the office, she doesn't feel significantly better. Especially when Jane isn't waiting for her in the waiting room.

She's about to text her when the brunette rushes into the room. "Sorry, I tried to get back before you got out. How was it?"

Maura just shrugs. It wasn't life changing, but she doesn't want to say that.

"Yeah, the first one isn't ground breaking, but they get better and more helpful," Jane says and she sounds like she's speaking from experience.

Maura wants to ask, but that's a personal question she knows will instantly draw up Jane's walls.

When she gets in the car she sees two boxes of Chinese food in the back seat.

"I grabbed some dinner for us, I figured you'd be hungry," Jane explains once she catches her eyeing the food.

"Thank you." Maura tells her earning a nonchalant shrug from the brunette.

When they pull up to Maura's apartment, Jane stops at the front and hands Maura a box of Chinese food.

"You're not going to come up?" Maura asks sadly.

"I shouldn't," Jane says, remembering her new rule.

"Your food will get cold," Maura notes. "You don't want to eat with a criminal," she realizes aloud and nods.

"Maura, that's not why." Jane cringes because usually that is why she wouldn't eat with a witness in their apartment, but she just doesn't know if she can handle being alone with the blonde. Pity and sincerity overcome her though and she gives in. She parks the car and follows Maura up.

When they get to Maura's apartment, they briefly consider sitting at the table until Jane decides on the couch. Foldable furniture just isn't very comforting and though the couch isn't plush, it's a step up from the chairs.

It's weird to her. She's never eaten inside the home of one of her witnesses. She usually just transfers them and checks in on them.

"This is unusual for you, isn't it?" Maura says, noticing her discomfort.

"I don't usually do stuff like this, no," Jane confirms.

"You're all business, aren't you?" Maura asks.

"In a job like this, it's life or death," Jane says, her tone laced with a hint of sadness. Maura gets the sense that there's something there, but it's not the right time to ask.

She wonders if Jane has ever let herself get close to a witness. It seems highly unlikely she never has.

When silence sets in again, she sees Jane nervously wringing her hands again. She can't stop herself from speaking.

"They hurt, don't they?" She wonders.

"It's nothing," Jane says trying to hide her scars again, but this time there's no table to place them under. She pockets them for a few moments until the pain becomes too much and she pulls them out and starts clenching them.

"Don't clench them," Maura advises before moving closer to the brunette. "Please, clenching won't help. Let me," she begs holding her hand out for Jane to show hers.

After long contemplation, Jane gives in and reaches out a hand.

The first touch is a striking one. She feels something at first contact and she's sure Jane does too. At least she hopes the small twitch she feels in the brunette's hand is an indication of a similar spark rather than pain. It's odd though, she's never touched Jane and yet in a simple hold of her hand she feels everything she's needed to feel since moving here.

It confirms that this woman, who was a stranger barging angrily into her new home only a week ago, is her new sense of comfort. She is her sentry in this new world and her sense of feeling in a time when she's never felt emptier.

Once she finally gets over the buzzing she feels, she manages to remove her eyes from Jane's, and ends the brief staring contest they entered upon touch. She looks down at Jane's hand and begins her examination.

"I'd say a nail did this and narrowly missed the ligaments. But that doesn't stop nerve and muscle pain. Do all your fingers still function?" Maura wonders.

"They're a little slower," Jane admits.

"Your hands are amazing," Maura muses before flipping it over and tracing the other side.

"That's not what I'd expect someone to say," Jane smiles as she watches Maura study her hand so closely.

"But this isn't from an accident," Maura notes sadly. "Someone did this to you."

"Yeah, a roof tack to each hand thanks to a nail gun," Jane tells her. She's just revealed another rather large piece of information about herself, but Maura attempts not to make such a big deal about it.

She feels like someone encountering a wild animal in the woods and wanting to watch it in its habitat for just a few more moments. She tries hard not to make any sudden movements so she can keep observing.

"When they hurt, don't ever clench them," Maura advises. "Bending causes tension in the tendons and the muscles. You want to keep them loose. Keep your hands flat and try to massage around the scars. It's better to have two hands though, to get equal and opposite pressure on either edge of the scar," she explains while demonstrating.

Jane never lets anyone touch her hands and now she's letting a perfect stranger do it. But surprisingly, Maura knows what she's doing.

"Better?" Maura asks though the smile on Jane's face is enough to let her know she's done well.

"Yeah, how did you know all that?" Jane wonders.

"You never did your research did you?" Maura asks teasingly.

"No," Jane admits.

"How about this, let's play twenty questions," Maura suggests.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jane denies.

"Come on, I'll answer your questions and you'll answer mine. We can get to know each other," Maura begs.

"That's just it, I'm not here to get to know you, I'm here to protect you," Jane tells her.

"How about five questions?" Maura talks her down.

"Maura," Jane scolds.

"Two?" Maura begs.

"No."

"Just two questions, Jane," she asks. "What could you possibly reveal to me in those two questions that would be so bad?"

"Okay, okay fine," Jane gives in. "But if it's something I don't want to answer, I won't."

"Fine, I go first," Maura says before thinking of all the questions she wants to ask the mysterious Marshal. "Ummm," she thinks causing the brunette to become impatient.

Jane is just about to say nevermind to Maura's game when the blonde finally asks her question.

"Okay, have you ever lost a witness?" Maura asks.

"Not answering that," Jane says immediately.

It speaks enough just by that answer though. That's why she's all business. Maybe one day Maura will get the whole story.

"Okay, was it a witness that hurt you?" She asks referring to Jane's hands.

"Next," Jane passes.

"Fine, what made you want to become a U.S. Marshal?" She tries.

"Nope," Jane says again.

"Come on you've got to answer one," Maura begs.

"Try again," Jane doesn't budge.

"Okay, tell me about your family," Maura says.

"That's not a question," Jane teases.

Maura sighs and shakes her head. "What's your family like?"

"Italian, loud, dysfunctional," Jane lists.

"That's not an answer," Maura whines.

"Alright, I'm not going into detail, but I have two brothers and a very nosey mother. We fight and bicker and we're loud, but we get together once a week, if we can, so we're still pretty close. Sometimes the job gets in the way of family time. But when we get together we eat a lot, and watch or play some form of sport." Jane describes. "That's all you're getting."

"So one brother is a Marshal and the other is?" She prompts.

"Maura, that's all you're getting," Jane tells her.

"Fine, okay, ask yours." Maura gives in.

"How do you know so much about my injury?" Jane asks right away.

"Pure medical examination," Maura tells her.

"Which you know how to do because?" Jane prompts.

"Because I went to medical school," Maura answers.

"You're a doctor?" Jane wonders. "That wasn't in your file."

"I never finished. I didn't even declare a specialization yet," Maura admits.

"But you know so much," Jane points out.

Maura shrugs. "I was passionate."

So many questions enter Jane's mind at that. How did her life come to this then? It almost makes her wish they had 19 more questions. But she's unwilling to answer that many about her own sad life. She wouldn't even answer the first four Maura asked.

"Okay, my turn." She thinks about it a moment, trying to think of something that would be revealing that Jane would answer. "Are you married?"

"No," Jane answers.

"No boyfriend?" Maura adds.

"That's two questions," Jane denies her.

"No it's a follow-up. Come on I answered like two follow ups," Maura begs.

"Fine, no boyfriend and there never will be," Jane explains.

"Oh," Maura hums, thinking a moment. "Vowing to be single. Bad break up?"

"No, just not interested in men, Maura," Jane tells her, causing the blonde's jaw to drop.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," Jane chuckles. "Don't act too shocked. And it's my turn."

"Okay," Maura nods while continuing to process this information. Jane is gay. Why does she find that so exciting?

"If you had finished medical school, what would you have declared?" Jane asks.

"Ooh, that's a good one," Maura ponders out loud.

"Thank you."

"You're going to think I'm weird," Maura says.

"Try me."

"Okay, I dropped out right before I was supposed to start my specialization. I was going to pick pathology," Maura admits.

"Like dead bodies and stuff? Why?" Jane wonders.

"It's going to sound corny, but I've never been a people person. I love the human body, but I just can't communicate well. If Jimmy hadn't been in my life, I would have had no one. I figured, I'd fit in easier with the dead and I could help share their stories," Maura explains.

Jane can't believe an answer like that came from the wife of the world's largest meth dealer. It's then that she realizes that there is more to meets the eye with Maura Isles and she can't help herself from wanting to know more. She finally realizes why despite wanting to hate Maura, she can't. "That's amazing."

"It's not really. But that was my dream, before Jimmy," Maura admits.

"Do you regret it?" Jane asks and she doesn't even have to clarify.

"I don't know," Maura answers truthfully to Jane's third question of the night.


	5. Of Puzzles and Dinners

**This is a tad late. Sorry. **

**Not much to say but enjoy and review if you please.**

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

Maura keeps looking for a job. She's spends most of her days out applying for whatever she can find.

She's applied virtually everywhere.

Restaurants, grocery stores, fast food, gas stations, convenience stores, hotels, the local car wash and none of them will hire her. She's about to give up or possibly try the strip club, at this rate. She never thought she'd be out searching for a normal, everyday job, but here she is.

It's been six days since she's last seen Jane.

A part of her hates to admit that she misses her. That's to be expected when Jane's the only person she knows in all of Boston. But it's more than just missing, Jane. There's something else there, something she can't quite grasp.

While she's out looking for work by the harbor she gets a call from the brunette who has been on her mind since that night she was over Maura's house.

"Hello, Jane," Maura answers cheerfully.

"I wasn't aware that phone had caller ID," Jane greets from the other line.

"You're the only one I know who has the number," Maura responds.

"It was a joke," Jane laughs. "How's job hunting going?"

"Awful, how do you expect people to get a job without any background experience?" Maura whines.

"Do you not know how to fake a resume?" Jane asks.

"No, that would be dishonest," Maura denies.

"Says the wife of the largest drug dealer in the world. Doesn't that seem hypocritical?" Jane wonders.

"It's not hypocrisy, I just can't lie," Maura informs her.

"Not at all? Like not even a little white lie?" Jane laughs.

"No, I get hives," Maura says.

"But, you were the wife of a criminal. How could you not lie? How did you hide your husband's identity?" Jane asks.

"Jimmy never put me in a position where I had to lie," Maura says nonchalantly.

"What about when someone ever asked what your husband did? Your friends never wondered?"

"I didn't have many friends," Maura admits. "But the few times people did ask, I just said international trade."

"Wow, fair enough," Jane hums. "Tomorrow after your appointment we can go over a fake resume and teach you how to lie through an interview. You can put me down as a reference."

"You're taking me to my appointment tomorrow?" Maura wonders.

"Well yeah, I just figured you wouldn't want to go alone again," Jane explains.

"Oh, thank you, Jane," Maura says sincerely.

"It's no problem. Besides we have a few things to talk about regarding your case. And I figured you could cook if you'd like. Or I could get dinner again," Jane offers.

"I'd love to cook something actually," Maura agrees.

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow," Jane says before they exchange goodbyes.

She catches herself grinning like an idiot when she hangs up.

Now she's got to go to the store and get something to make.

She turns around to head back to the car but stops in front of a familiar diner. She doesn't even think about it before walking in.

It's the same as the last time she was here, except they've decorated for the holidays. It's the first realization that Maura has of how quickly the holidays are approaching.

It will be the first holiday in seven years she'll have without James.

"Ma'am?" A woman calls and relieves her from her thoughts.

"Sorry, I was wondering if you were still hiring?" Maura asks the woman, recalling that Korsak had mentioned something about looking for a replacement for the owner's daughter.

"You're that woman Janie brought in the other day," Korsak points out before emerging from behind the counter next to the woman she was speaking to. "Come on to the back, we'll have a chat."

Maura follows him towards the back and watches as he leans against a counter and studies her a moment.

"I know you're one of her charges," He tells her after a moment.

"I don't know what you mean," Maura denies.

"Good girl," he commends her for not blowing her cover. "Jane's never brought someone like you here. There's something special about you," he muses.

"I-"

"You're having trouble finding a job without any experience," he laughs. "Welcome to the system. How good of a memory do you have?"

"Photographic," Maura replies.

"And you can carry heavy platters and all that? You can take orders?" He asks.

"Yes," Maura promises.

"Ok, well I'll let you know soon when you can start working. When will you be seeing Jane again?" He wonders.

"Tomorrow," Maura answers.

"Great I have something for her," He tells her.

She follows him into the back where he grabs two cases of beer and hands them to her. "Jane went to Ireland for a case once and fell in love with a beer there. I get some products from over there so I worked out a deal with my delivery guy to get her beer in," He explains.

It's not much, but it is another thing Maura didn't know about her. She likes a special brand of beer.

Maura doesn't know why, but she feels a strange sense of happiness when she reveals another piece of the puzzle that is Jane Rizzoli. Even when it's just a middle piece, she knows one day she'll put it all together.

"Leave your number with Tracey, at the front," He tells her before heading towards the kitchen.

When Maura returns home later that night she realizes today has been the first good day since her husband died. Maybe things just might start looking up for her. Maybe she'll be able to carry on.

She finds it hard to sleep for completely different reasons. Tomorrow she gets to see Jane, a fact that has her pretty excited, and pretty wired. All she wants to do is sleep so it's tomorrow, but sleep is hard to come by.

Waking up just puts her in a worse sense of impatience and she mopes around all day waiting. It's the first day she spends home since Jane told her she needed a job.

It's relaxing at first, until one hour feels like five and she realizes she has eight more before her appointment.

She prepares for the meal she plans on cooking and does some cleaning, though there isn't much to do.

Finally she decides to try the TV. Basic cable is all she gets, but she's even surprised the government splurged for that much.

She finds herself enjoying the Discovery Channel until she finally gets that text that lets her know that Jane is finally here.

She's giddy until she gets in the car.

Then, aside from an awkward exchange of hellos, it's quiet again.

She doesn't know why just sitting in the same car as Jane provides enough to keep her going. Their encounters are cordial at best. She thinks maybe she just craves human interaction. But if that were true she'd want to get to know more people and yet she's extremely introverted. But all she wants to do is get to know Jane.

"How have you been?" Jane asks after some time. "Stupid question, I know," she says immediately before Maura can speak.

"I'm doing a lot better, Jane," Maura answers anyways.

"Good," Jane hums.

Small talk is all there is to get them through the ride to the doctor.

When Maura emerges from therapy this time, Jane is waiting patiently for her. She smiles as soon as she sees her and surprisingly, Jane returns it.

"How was it?" Jane asks.

"It was okay," Maura answers.

She doesn't think it's helping. Her therapist isn't bad or unprofessional, but where do you pick up when you have nothing left?

"Dr. Warner is the best therapist we have on staff," Jane promises. "Just give her a chance to help you."

She's encouraging and completely sincere.

When they're in the car Jane gets a phone call and Maura can't stop herself from listening.

"What?" Jane answers harshly.

"No, Frankie hasn't heard from him," she replies to the voice on the line.

Maura can hear the other voice is female, but that's all she can make out.

"It's not my job to keep track of him," she growls.

"I can't keep him from making bad decisions."

"No, if he reappears he's not staying on my couch anymore. Last time he stole my TV."

"I don't care. He can't be my problem anymore," Jane sighs.

"Fine, I'll see you Sunday," she says before hanging up.

Maura gets another puzzle piece, or a half of one. She's not sure, but she thinks that the woman on the phone was Jane's mother and now she's seen into the way her Marshal is with her family.

She seems burdened and tired of their antics, from what Maura can tell. Maybe her mother asks too much of her.

Maura doesn't want to ask, but this time she doesn't have to.

"My Ma," Jane confirms Maura's suspicions. "She drives me nuts."

"You should be thankful you have family," Maura shrugs.

"I am, but that doesn't make them any less annoying," Jane laughs.

Maura wishes she could agree, but she can't relate.

This time Jane is a bit more relaxed in Maura's apartment, especially when Maura hands her a beer and she notices it's her favorite brew.

"Have you been stalking me?" Jane chuckles once she recognizes the label.

"No," Maura laughs. "Your friend at the diner wanted me to give it to you. I figured you'd like one."

"What were you doing at the diner?" Jane asks, taking a sip of her beer.

"I ended up there while I was looking for work," Maura shrugs.

"Oh, well we can work on your resume tonight so we can get you hired," Jane tells her.

"I actually got a job," Maura informs her. "At the diner."

Jane almost spits out her beer at that news and the shock doesn't go unnoticed by Maura.

"I can work somewhere else if that's not okay," Maura backpedals immediately.

"No, it's fine, it's just-"

"You don't want me to work with your friends. Jane I don't have to take the job," Maura interrupts.

"Maura that's not what I was going to say," Jane denies. "You need a job, so take the job. I was just going to say that they're picky with their staffing. You must have done something to make Korsak like you. They've needed a new server for years, even with Lena there, they just never wanted to hire anyone."

"Oh, well thank you," Maura says awkwardly. "But I think he hired me because of you."

"I didn't do anything," Jane shrugs.

"I know," Maura replies. "Well make yourself at home, there's cable if you want to watch some television. There isn't much that interests me on there except for the Discovery channels, but maybe you can find something to your liking."

Two steps and she's in her kitchen where she starts the meal she has planned. She can hear from the living room that Jane has settled on sports of some kind.

When everything is prepped and cooking she takes a break to join Jane.

"Do you watch football?" Jane asks.

"No, Jimmy wasn't a sports guy and if he was, his only interests were the bloody ones like boxing and hockey. I usually didn't watch with him," Maura answers.

"Well football isn't bloody usually, but it can get a little rough. Do you know anything about it?" Jane questions.

Maura doesn't know a single fact, but she thinks this is a way to keep Jane talking; it's a way to see into another part of Jane's life. "No, but I've always been interested in the intricacies of it, you know the camaraderie."

"Right the camaraderie," Jane laughs. "You really don't know anything about the sport." Maura shakes her head and Jane goes into full detail.

She listens intently even if she doesn't understand it. Jane's voice is raspy yet still so silky. She thinks she could listen to it all day. And she's passionate; Maura can tell by the way she moves her body so fluidly with her words. She's so in tuned to Jane's words and the game on the TV that she forgets about the food until smoke starts billowing out of the oven.

"Oh my god!" she cries as she jumps up towards the kitchen to turn the oven off.

Jane's right behind her. She goes under the sink to grab a small fire extinguisher and she releases it into the oven.

When she's done she looks up to see Maura leaning on the counter with her face in her hands. Jane can tell she's upset for ruining dinner.

"I'm so sorry, I've made this so many times I just- I was distracted," Maura cries.

Jane steps forward and pulls her hands from her face to see her almost crying. It tugs at something in her and all she wants is for Maura to smile again. "Hey, it's fine. It was a mistake. I'll help you clean up and then we will use those takeout menus I gave you."

"You don't have to help clean up my mess," Maura says.

Jane smiles and steps even closer to the blonde and says, "I want to help."

She receives a small, thankful smile from Maura and it sets something on inside her. She blames the proximity when she ever so briefly she contemplates stepping even closer and- no she can't think that. Maura is a criminal and her witness. But her beauty doesn't go unnoticed by Jane and it's starting to put her in an awkward position.

"What were you making?" Jane asks as she scrubs the dishes while Maura wipes down the oven.

"Coq au Vin," Maura answers.

"What?' Jane questions.

"It's French for-"

"No, I know what it is," Jane interrupts. "It's just a little… complicated."

Maura shrugs at that. "I know a shortcut recipe. It's not that hard."

"How do you even know how to cook that?" Jane wonders.

"Lots of free time and cooking classes," Maura tells her.

"You're a little unbelievable sometimes," Jane hums. Each new thing she learns about Maura is a surprise. "Next you're going to tell me you know two other languages," Jane laughs.

"Actually, I know three fluently, but I can get by with just about five others," Maura boasts.

"Well I'll keep that in mind if I ever need something translated," Jane mumbles.

Later they're sitting on Maura's couch watching the rest of the game as Jane gives Maura play-by-play explanations of anything she doesn't understand. The kitchen is clean and they're eating a pizza Jane ordered.

It's surprisingly comfortable.

Maura enjoys her time with Jane, whether they're talking or not. She thinks Jane and her could have been friends if they had met under different circumstances. Are they friends now?

When the game ends, Jane helps Maura clean up their small mess before getting ready to leave.

"Let me grab your beers for you," Maura says once she's aware Jane is ready to go.

"Keep a case here," Jane replies and Maura can't stop the shiver that runs down her spine from the implications. That means Jane will be coming over often right?

"You've got everything?" Maura asks as she hands Jane a case of her beer.

"Yeah, I'll see you next week?" Jane asks.

"I'd like that, thank you," Maura responds.

"Take care, Maur," Jane says on her way out. It's a nickname that comes out as a slip of the tongue. She doesn't regret it though, when Maura flashes her a megawatt smile.

Once Maura closes the door behind Jane, she jumps and does a small happy dance. Something about this night tells her she's making progress. She doesn't know exactly why, but she wants to know everything about Jane.

Next week can't come fast enough.


	6. Of Sickness and Disappointment

**The reviews I got for the last chapter were amazing guys, thank you. So this chapter is early for both that, and the fact that tomorrow is my birthday and I can't promise I'll be around my computer all day.**

**So here's chapter five, enjoy and review if you please. Thanks again all.**

* * *

Maura doesn't have to wait a week when she receives a text from Jane on Monday afternoon.

_Do you have dinner plans? I was considering bringing over some food tonight so we could talk about your first day at work. –_Jane.

_How did you know today is my first day? _Maura responds on her break.

_You're working for my ex-partner. –_Jane.

_So does that mean you guys are going to be talking about me a lot?_

_I can't lie and say we won't. –_Jane.

_I can't say I would particularly hate that. _Maura realizes they're almost flirting and she feels no shame about it.

_So I'll come over after work today? -_Jane.

_That sounds great_, Maura replies.

A smile is plastered on her face for the rest of the day, even when she makes little mistakes at work and customers get upset. It's all okay, because Jane is coming over later.

When she gets home she showers quickly and readies herself for Jane's arrival. She's giddy about seeing her again and she doesn't quite understand why. She's never cared so much for the company of others before.

She jumps when there's a knock at the door. Jane is of course on the other side with some bags of food.

"My Ma made gnocchi," she says as Maura lets her in. "It's probably the best anyone makes and I figured we could give your cooking skills a rest. Don't wanna burn your only house down or I'd be partly responsible."

"It was an accident," Maura replies unamused.

"I'm just kidding, Maur."

There's that nickname again. It does its job of making Maura forget about Jane's joke and she moves to help Jane unload her bags.

"You brought wine," Maura notices.

"Yeah, I figured that was more your taste than beer and well you can't exactly use your limited money on spirits." Jane shrugs.

Maura looks at the bottle and smiles. It's an incredibly sweet gesture even if Jane doesn't know it. It's surprising to Maura how in just a few weeks Jane has started to change. They're making progress. It's undeniable now that they are on some level of friendship, even if Jane doesn't want to admit it.

"So, I don't want to lie. There are a few other reason I came over tonight," Jane admits.

"And I thought you just enjoyed my company," Maura jokes.

Jane wants to tell her she does actually enjoy her company, more than she's ever enjoyed anyone else's. It's a trait she finds so odd about Maura, given that Jane normally hates the criminals she has to protect. And as much as she tells herself that Maura is just like all the other bad guys, she knows it's not true.

"The court needs you to testify for a hearing in Arizona in a few weeks," Jane tells her instead.

"They caught Daniel Escobar?" Maura wonders.

"No, not yet, but they've caught a few of his men and his brother. Tomorrow I need you to come down to the office and we can discuss how much you know about them," she explains.

"Okay," Maura nods. Jane can see the anxiety in her eyes.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Maura," Jane promises. She believes her, but when an entire drug cartel wants you dead, they'll do anything. Now she's not only worried for her own safety, but for Jane's too.

Ever since she got here she hasn't felt fear and she's been worrying about fitting into a new life. Now that she knows she has to go back to Arizona, things are a lot more surreal. Especially when the one person who wants you dead the most is still out there.

She'd only met Daniel twice when Jimmy brought him over for dinner. He and his brother were both terribly frightening men, whom she rightfully didn't trust. And now that man wants her dead. Panic sets in easily and her stomach turns.

What Jane doesn't expect to see next is Maura running to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

She waits a few moments before deciding to follow. It's not abnormal for witnesses to be afraid of testifying, but she knows they have enough time for Maura to work with a lawyer and her therapist. It won't completely prepare her. No one is completely prepared for the possibility of an attack on their life. But, it makes things easier.

"Maura, are you okay?" She asks softly through the door.

"I'm fine," Maura whines from the other side.

"Can I come in?" Jane asks, her hand on the handle as she hopes for an affirmation.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Maura groans.

"I'm going to come in," Jane informs her before opening the door slowly. She expects to find Maura in tears or sitting on the toilet seat and sulking. Instead she's on her knees in front of the bowl, wiping her mouth.

Jane doesn't question it, but instead grabs a washcloth from under the sink. She wets it and sits next to Maura. "Here," she says gently as she hands the cloth to Maura.

"You really know your way around my house," Maura tries to joke as she flushes away her bile in the toilet. She's embarrassed that Jane has to see her this way, but if the brunette minds, she doesn't show it.

"I have to help secure them and stock them," Jane explains. "Are you okay?"

"I've been queasy all day. I think it's a stomach virus," Maura tells her before getting up on wobbly legs. "I'm just going to brush my teeth and I'll meet you back out there."

"Okay," Jane nods. She's glad she's here tonight to help take care of Maura and that she brought soup. She goes into the kitchen to heat up food for Maura in hopes that it will settle her stomach.

When Maura emerges a moment later, she's noticeably more tired and sickly looking. Jane doesn't know how she missed it when she arrived.

"I think this might be good for your stomach," Jane says while she brings a bowl of hot soup to the table. "Sit down and eat."

Jane watches her eat and makes sure she looks okay and can keep it down. She's never found herself caring so much about a witness.

"This is delicious," Maura says and Jane smiles.

"Yeah, Ma is pretty amazing when it comes to food," Jane agrees. "Are you feeling better?"

"I am now," Maura says. It's not totally true but she doesn't want to worry Jane. She had been nauseous all day and the news of having to testify must have finally caused her to be sick.

"Maybe I should go so you could lie down," Jane suggests.

"No," Maura says immediately. "Please, I'd prefer your company."

"Okay. Was it bad food or are you just worried about testifying?" Jane wonders as she takes a seat on Maura's couch.

"A little of both maybe," Maura answers. She puts her dishes in the sink and takes a seat next to Jane.

"Do you want me to see if Dr. Warner can see you tomorrow? You may want a session after coming to the office," Jane advises.

"Umm no, I don't think I'm ready to see her again," Maura admits.

"Do you want to try someone else? She's not the only counselor we have on staff," Jane suggests.

"No, it's not her, it's me. I'm just not ready to talk about Jimmy yet."

"Maura, when you testify, you're going to have to talk about him," Jane informs her.

Jane can't wrap her head around the fact that someone like Maura would ever love someone like James Price. She begged not to take this witness detail because of her extreme hate for everything having to do with men like Price. And when Cavanaugh wouldn't agree to give it to Frost or Frankie because they were too green, well she still found a way to get them to do most of the work.

She was going to just lay down the groundwork and only visit her charge when absolutely necessary, but something about Maura kept her coming back. Her entire outlook changed.

But now she wonders if she let herself be in denial about who Maura really could be.

"I know, I just- it's not easy, Jane." Maura sighs.

"It's not that difficult," Jane replies, insensitively.

"The only person I've ever loved and had been loved by was murdered by his friends and you think that I should be completely okay with that?" Maura shouts.

Jane flinches, the fury in Maura's voice unexpected, but she won't back down. "He was a drug dealer, Maura. He was a murderer!"

"And I loved him! Does that make me a terrible person?" She argues.

Jane's silence is answer enough to show how she feels.

"You know what, he may have done bad things, but they were to provide for us. I may have hated what he did, but I couldn't help it, because I loved him. You can't help who you love," Maura rants.

"You were going to be a doctor, what changed?" Jane asks. She can't understand how someone could throw that all away to marry a murderer, let alone someone like the person she wished Maura really was.

"I got pregnant!" Maura yells.

It's a shocking revelation to say the least. Jane never expected it since Maura has no children. It's saddening, but it's not an excuse. She could have made the right choice.

"I'm sorry," Jane sighs, trying to clear the air.

"I got pregnant and I panicked. I couldn't be a single mother trying to become a doctor. I had no family, no support, no help whatsoever except for Jimmy. He offered me a way out so I made a deal with the devil," Maura admits.

"What happened-"

"I miscarried a month later and by then I couldn't turn back." She answers Jane's question before she can ask.

"Do you regret it?" Jane wonders.

"I loved him," Maura says simply. "But I still asked myself that question every day."

"You could have stayed and tried," Jane tells her. "You knew it was a terrible choice and you still made it."

"I was 24 and scared," Maura excuses.

"Cowardice isn't fear, but inaction in the presence of it," Jane says.

It sounds so high and mighty, even if Jane doesn't mean it to be. What does she know about courage when it comes to a situation like that? It just makes Maura even more upset. "Well I'm a coward!" Maura admits angrily. "Do you want me to say that I wish I hadn't been a coward? Because obviously I regret it! My whole life has been destroyed and the love of my life was betrayed and killed. Do you not think I've been punished enough?"

Maura's clearly furious, but Jane can't find it in herself to care. Not when Maura has appeared to be the person Jane feared she was from the beginning. She gets up and collects her things before heading to the door.

"I don't think you should be punished any more, but I think you should realize that even if you weren't the one killing and cooking and dealing, you still married someone you knew was doing it. And what you don't understand is that it was just as bad. You could have protected a lot of people if you had just spoken up," Jane stops to tell her.

"I'm speaking now," Maura mutters, her temper now gone and defeat seeping in.

"No, you're trying to save your own ass now," Jane responds. "That's a whole new form of cowardice. Before it was your duty, now it's your livelihood and get out of jail free card."

Maura hears the door slam and she sinks down and sulks. Minutes later she rushes to the bathroom and vomits again.

She stays there until she falls asleep on the cool tile, thinking that maybe Jane is right about everything.


	7. Of Revelations and Forgiveness

**I can't even thank you guys enough for all the reviews and follows from the last chapter. You guys all helped make a great birthday even better, so thank you so much!**

**I meant to have this out earlier as a thank you but things got in the way...so I'll have the next chapter out for you by Tuesday I promise :)**

**Thanks to my Beta for editing everything over and over and for rooting for my team last night even though they lost.**

**Anyways, enjoy and review if you please...**

* * *

The next day Maura awakens sore and exhausted. She has to work, but the hard ground did nothing to help her back. Her feet are also sore. She presumes it's from standing at work the day before.

The nausea didn't go away, but in fact got worse. She can't call out on her second day of work so she gets dressed and heads out with hopes that her stomach will soon settle.

On the way there, she gets a text from Jane.

_Come to our office when you get off work. _–Jane

A second text arrives with an address.

That's all she gets.

Not even an apology, though she doesn't think she deserves one. Ever since last night she's been thinking Jane's right, she's been a coward.

All other times Maura couldn't wait to see Jane, but now she dreads it. She's pretty sure all the progress they've made has been lost and Jane is back to hating her. She probably hates her even more than when they first met.

A normal person would shrug it off. Jane has no right to judge her. She made the wrong choices, but that doesn't give Jane the authority to criticize her for them.

And yet she can't stand that Jane hates her. There's something about her that makes Maura want her approval and her friendship.

She just wants Jane in her life, whether she knows why or why not.

Work goes by quickly, but maybe that's because she doesn't quite want to face Jane yet.

When she gets to the WITSEC office, her knuckles are white from her grip on the steering wheel and she's impossibly more nauseous than before. She's never been one to get queasy when faced with challenging situations, but now it seems to be happening often.

She finally gets up the nerve to walk in and manages to make eye contact with Jane until a wave of sickness hits her.

"Bathroom?" She begs Jane, who can see that she's going to be sick. She pulls her along towards the restroom and they make it just before Maura is on her knees emptying the contents of her stomach.

She feels Jane rubbing her back as she heaves and despite their argument, it's soothing. When she finally finds it in herself to stand, Jane helps her over to the sink where she tries to wash up.

Jane watches her every move with concern, but Maura can't stop from feeling embarrassed. This is the second time in 24 hours that she's vomited in front of the only person that seems to matter to her.

After she's done Jane leads her out of the bathroom and past her desk.

"Where-"

"I'm taking you to the hospital," Jane answers before she can finish.

"I'm fine," Maura tries to lie.

"Maura, you've been throwing up since last night, you're not fine," Jane argues. "Get in the car."

They're back to awkward silences in the car, neither wanting to talk about their argument last night. When they get to the ER Jane does all the talking and when the forms get placed in Maura's hands, she takes them from her and does most of the writing.

"I know most of your new information probably better than you do," Jane explains before handing the clipboard over. "But you've gotta do the medical history."

Once she fills it all out, all that's left is to wait and they do so for a while. They don't talk and the only noises between them are deep calming breaths that Maura takes whenever she feels sick.

She doesn't expect it when a thin, warm hand makes its way into her own. She lifts her head to look at Jane who smiles a reassuring smile in her direction.

It's promising.

Twenty more minutes pass before Jane finally speaks.

"I'm sorry…about last night," she apologizes.

"Don't worry about it," Maura forgives her easily.

Jane squeezes her hand before speaking again. "It wasn't my place."

Maura doesn't respond to that. It wasn't Jane's place, but Maura can't really blame her.

"I just want you to know, I don't think you're a terrible person," Jane speaks after a few more moments of silence.

"I am, though," Maura disagrees.

"No, you made a bad choice and we all do that." Jane sighs. "It's really hard for me to forgive people for their mistakes, Maura, but I'm trying." She doesn't know why, but she is trying. She_ wants_ to try.

It's the first emotional thing that Jane reveals to Maura.

"You don't have to forgive me, that's not your job," Maura says sadly and Jane grips her hand even tighter.

"No it's not, but there's something different about you, Maura. You're not a bad person and I- God, for some reason, I can't let it go." Jane says.

"Isles. Maura," a doctor yells out from the front of the room, causing both women to stand quickly.

Maura goes through initial assessments and blood tests before the nurse leads her to her room.

"Change into the gown and wait for the doctor," the nurse tells her.

"I'll just wait outside," Jane says awkwardly.

"It's fine, Jane," Maura says as she begins to strip off her dress to put the gown on instead.

She's in just a bra and panties and Jane tries to look anywhere but Maura's lean body. From the first moment Jane met Maura she noted how attractive she was. Now she's seen her body and there's no denying that she is gorgeous. It's just another aspect of Maura that she hates to admit she loves.

"You _can _sit," Maura says after she notices Jane still standing around at the front of the room.

Jane clears her throat and steps further into the room. "Right," she says awkwardly as she takes a seat next to the bed.

"I'm sorry I'm wasting your day," Maura apologizes after a while. "And for not being able to actually look at your evidence."

"It's fine, Maur," Jane says. "Your health is more important."

They're back to nicknames, which has Maura feeling better about their situation.

"So Miss Isles, what seems to be the problem?" a petite woman asks as she enters the room. Her badge reads: Doctor Spires.

"I've been extremely nauseous lately," Maura puts simply.

"She's been throwing up a lot," Jane rectifies, earning a tiny glare from the blonde.

"Hmm, any other symptoms? Stomach pain? Cramping? Diarrhea?" She asks.

"No," Maura denies.

"Back pain or headaches?"

"I had a backache today, but it may have been from sleeping on the floor," Maura explains. Jane looks at her questioningly after that bit of information.

"Okay well, we will wait until your blood test results get back and we'll go on from there." Doctor Spires informs her before leaving the room.

"You slept on the floor?" Jane asks immediately after the doctor leaves.

"I fell asleep in the bathroom." Maura clarifies.

"You were throwing up all night?" Jane worries.

"Not all night, but yes." Maura admits.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane asks.

"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to," Maura shrugs. "Plus after last night…" She trails off.

"Your health is important to WITSEC," Jane says. Maura can't help but wonder if that's all she's good for. "It's important to me," Jane adds.

It's not something she expected to hear from Jane, especially not after their fight. But it's something she needs to hear.

Jane feels the need to make Maura as comfortable as possible while they wait for the results of her blood tests. She scoots her chair next to her bedside and slips her hand in Maura's once again. She's worried about her, even if she really can't explain why.

Maura lifts her head just a moment to acknowledge Jane's presence and gives her a small smile before she returns to contemplating what she could have ate that's made her so sick.

It's only when the doctor comes back in that she realizes just what could be wrong with her. She feels so stupid for not realizing.

"Well Miss Isles," Doctor Spires says as she enters the room with Maura's file in hand and a huge smile on her face. "Congratulations, you're pregnant."

Maura goes stiff, and so does Jane. She can feel Jane's hand go limp within hers.

"Everything else looks good, you're completely healthy. I can recommend you to an OB/GYN to find out exactly how far along you are, but I'd guess somewhere between 6-8 weeks," the doctor continues and Maura half listens through her shock. What her doctor thinks is happy news is just the opposite to Maura.

She can't believe it.

Time seems to slow down. It almost seems as if she's not in her body as she signs the release forms and changes back into her clothes. When she's seated in the car, she can see Jane speaking, but doesn't register what she's saying.

She nods and hums in response to words she doesn't really comprehend.

When they pull up to Maura's apartment she wants to get out, but Jane stops her by grabbing her arm.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning," Jane confirms what Maura assumes she's agreed to along the way.

"Yeah," Maura hums before getting out and heading up to her apartment without a goodbye.

As soon as she reaches her apartment and shuts the door she slides down and sobs. She tucks her head in her knees as she cries, until she feels something rising up inside her. She rushes to the bathroom and allows herself to empty her stomach in between tears.

She thinks she hears knocking, but ignores it as she's overcome with another wave of sickness. A moment later something hits her, something calming and then Jane is behind her rubbing her back and holding her hair back, yet again.

This time, Jane wets a washcloth and cleans her up herself before helping her to her bed. The crying doesn't stop until she falls asleep.

Jane is beside herself. Should she stay and wait till Maura wakes up? Should she leave and text Maura to call her when she wakes?

She doesn't want to leave her alone. She knows Maura isn't alright. She knew it as soon as Maura got the news and she went pale.

Jane knows she hadn't paid attention to a single thing she said to her on the way here.

When she saw her close her door and not turn on any of the lights, she knew she had to talk to her witness and try to make her feel better. That's what any standard Marshall would do. Right?

She calls Korsak and tells him not to expect Maura at work tomorrow. He knows not to question it since it's coming from Jane. She'll fill him in when she's ready.

Right now she needs to get Maura to talk and decide what she wants to do. If she wants to keep the baby, Jane wants to help her. They'll need to start by looking for a doctor to make sure Maura and the baby are okay.

She decides to stay, if Maura's sleep is fitful, she might wake up. Jane wants to be there when she wakes up. She wants to care for her even if she has no explanation of why. She has no idea why she does all of this special stuff with Maura. The bonding, the sharing of information she doesn't usually share, the incessant need to keep a smile on Maura's face. She just knows, right now she needs to be Maura's rock.

She kicks off her boots and tries as hard as she can to get comfortable on the couch the government paid for. Needless to say, she can feel the poor government funding in every lump. It takes a while but she finally dozes off.

* * *

After finally falling asleep, she's awoken by someone rushing past the room. It takes wiping her tired eyes and looking around to remember she's at Maura's.

She's sleeping at a witness's house? Reality hits her and she knows she's made a mistake.

She's instantly faced with worry for her job. Sleeping at a witness's house has got to be against so many rules. Without a doubt she knows it goes against her own personal rules. She warns herself not to get too cozy with Maura or Cavanaugh could easily strip her off the case. And surprisingly, she doesn't want to lose Maura. She wants to be the one to keep her safe.

As soon as she hears retching from the bathroom she rushes towards it.

"Maura, are you okay in there?" She asks from outside the door.

"Jane?" Maura wonders out loud.

"Yeah, sweetie it's me. Do you want me to come in there?" Jane asks sweetly.

"No, uh can you just wait out there. I'll be right out," Maura says in somewhat of a panic. She can't believe Jane is here and she's even more surprised that she's just called her sweetie. Pet names seem completely out of Jane's stomach flips at the thought before she's releasing its contents again. She brushes her teeth quickly, tries to tidy up and steps outside of the bathroom to find Jane wringing her hands nervously on the other side.

She instantly grabs Jane's hands and starts to do what she did the other night to help with the pain.

"Maura don't worry about it," Jane pulls her hands away. "They don't hurt, it's a habit when I'm worried. Come sit down," Jane says as she pulls Maura towards the bed to sit. "Maur, are you okay? You haven't been doing much talking."

"I've been thinking," Maura replies.

"And crying," Jane adds. "You gotta talk to me here and let me know what's going on up there." Jane sweetly points towards Maura's head.

Maura goes silent for a while before she starts sniffling.

"Maura, please," Jane says, reaching out and taking Maura's hands in hers.

Maura looks up and shakes her head, "I don't want this baby."

"Okay, whatever you want to do, I'll help you." Jane promises with a squeeze of Maura's hand.

"Would you hate me?" Maura sniffles. "I can't you know… Would you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?" Jane wonders.

"It's his baby," Maura explains.

"It's your baby, you'd raise it," Jane clarifies.

"I'm no better," Maura sobs.

Jane now realizes that that's exactly what she told Maura the other day. That she's no better than her dead husband. And maybe Maura thinks Jane hates her, but she feels the exact opposite.

She was so angry because she wanted so badly for Maura to have some excuse for why she was with a man like Jimmy. She was upset to find out Maura was exactly who she was in denial of her being. She had made the mistake of putting Maura on a pedestal she _knew_ she couldn't live up to. There never really was an excuse to be with a man like Price and yet she tried to convince herself that Maura had to have one.

"I_ know_ James wasn't a good guy," Maura continues to cry. "I never wanted to have his kids. I loved him, but I couldn't bring a child into his world. I couldn't do that."

That's when she realizes that she _was_ wrong. She'd been thinking that Maura was okay with what James did, but now she understands that maybe Maura had just learned to cope. She didn't want to bring a child into _his _world. Jane could tell by the way she said it; she didn't want to bring a child up around _him_.

"But you're not a part of that anymore," Jane promises her.

Maura cries harder and shakes her head before whispering "I'm not a good enough person."

Jane scoots forward and takes Maura's face in her hands so that she's looking at her while she talks.

"I was wrong for yelling at you the other night, Maura. You made a bad decision, but that doesn't make you a terrible person. You can do right by this child and be good to it," Jane says seriously.

"What if I mess up? What can I provide for a child in this situation? I have nothing," Maura shakes her head in Jane's hands.

She instinctively wipes her thumbs across Maura's cheeks to clear the tears there before leaning down to be eye to eye with her. "You have me," she says sincerely.

She doesn't expect Maura to press forward and wrap her arms around her. She tucks her head into Jane's collar and sobs lightly. Jane comforts her immediately by enveloping her in her arms and rocking back and forth. She's starting to get a glimpse into what she thinks was the same state of mind Maura had been in when she made the decision that ruined her life. She's not going to allow Maura to be helpless again.

"I'll be here Maura." Jane promises once again. "Tomorrow we can find an OB/GYN and make sure everything is okay with the baby and start getting the facts. Unless you want to…" she trails off not wanting to say it.

"No. I may not know if I want this baby, but I wouldn't." Maura says immediately, sniffling in between every other word.

"I just don't know if I can take care of his child. I may have loved him, but that doesn't mean I didn't know he was a savage," Maura admits. It's the only time Jane has ever heard Maura say anything bad about Price. It's shocking to say the least. But Jane is just happy that Maura is finally ready to talk about him.

"When I found out I was pregnant I panicked and I chose to go with James," Maura starts to speak. Jane instantly notices that she called him James instead of Jimmy.

"I cried when I lost that baby. I cried for days and James left for an entire week just two days later, despite me being distraught. James left to meet with a dealer in Mexico to help him start pushing his product and I cried my eyes out." Maura says sadly.

"He told me we'd try again. As time went on, I didn't get pregnant again, I was starting to think something was wrong with me. By the third time I'd reset his nose and stitched him up while he was passed out drunk lying in his own blood, I knew we couldn't have a child like that. And on the morning after we argued until he trashed our home, I went to the doctor and secretly got on birth control." Maura explains.

"Maura, did he ever hit you?" Jane worries seriously. She's finding out that maybe Maura and James's romance wasn't as strong as she believed. She knows she'd bring the man back to life and kill him again if he had abused Maura.

"Never! He would never, but sometimes he'd get angry and throw things. And he wasn't secretive about what he did. I tried to turn a blind eye myself, but I couldn't really deny it." Maura sighs before wiping more tears.

"He'd bring his friends from the business over for dinner and he'd come home smelling of chemicals. After a while I wondered if maybe they'd made him sterile, but I couldn't take that chance so I stayed on the pills. I thought that maybe when the business was out of his hands a little more, he'd be home more, gentler, more caring, maybe that was when we could have a baby." she continues.

"But then he hired two more cooks and he taught them everything and he washed his hands of making product. He stopped coming home bloodied and started coming home bloody. That's when I knew for sure he had killed people. The first time I washed blood out of his suit, I knew I couldn't deny it anymore. I cried and then I realized I wanted kids, but I didn't want _his _kids. In the last few weeks when everything got messed up, I was stressed and not thinking. I wasn't taking my pills regularly and now, well now I'm all alone and pregnant with his child," Maura starts to cry again after reliving the hell that's been going on in her head ever since she realized she was pregnant.

"You have me." Jane promises again firmly.

"Until you don't need me to testify anymore." Maura mutters.

"Even after that," Jane assures her. "I'm going to be here, Maura and I'll help you every step of the way."

"Why would you be so nice to me?" Maura wonders.

"I don't know. Maybe I see the good in you," Jane shrugs. "You should sleep though. In the morning, we'll figure out the doctor situation and take a peek at the baby." Jane gets up and helps Maura get comfortable in bed again before she heads back over to the couch.

"You could sleep here," Maura suggests.

Jane smiles in the dark, but says, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Well there are some blankets in the closet and you can take a pillow from the bed if you'd like," Maura suggests hoping to make Jane's night on the couch easier.

She hears shuffling and feels Jane hover above her for a moment to grab a pillow. She holds back the desire in herself to pull Jane into the bed and instead lays stiff until she's gone.

When she stops hearing movement, she settles into her bed.

"Jane?" She eventually asks into the silent darkness.

"Yes, Maura?" She hears her Marshal question.

"Are we friends?" Maura wonders aloud.

Jane waits a beat and smiles even though Maura can't see. "Yeah, Maur, we're friends."

* * *

**Also congrats to the few that guessed it...**

**And in response to the Rizzles questions...you'll just have to wait and see...but a hint would be that I always ship Rizzles so take that as you will.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	8. Of Decisions and Possibility

**As promised, here is the next chapter.**

**Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously makes me so happy and proud that you all are liking this.**

**Enjoy and review if you please**

* * *

When Maura wakes the next day, it only takes a second for the memories of the past day to flood back. She almost wants to cry again until she remembers Jane.

She gets up to check her couch, but sees that it's empty.

Her heart sinks at that.

She drops her head back down and sulks a moment until she hears keys in the lock.

The door opens to reveal Jane holding a takeout bag.

"I picked up some omelets from the diner," Jane says as she enters. "I didn't want to cook and disturb you, that kitchen is very small and very close."

Maura's face drops a moment. "I have to work today," she realizes out loud.

"I told Korsak you couldn't come in today," Jane shrugs while sitting on the bed. She pulls out plastic silverware and hands it to Maura, along with a bottled water and her omelet.

"It's only my third day. He didn't question it?" Maura wonders.

"He knows not to question my methods." Jane answers before leaning over and opening Maura's takeout box. "Eat," she commands before opening her own and digging in.

Maura can't believe how much Jane is doing for her. And last night she agreed that they were friends. It almost makes the trouble she's in seem bearable because she's going through it all with Jane.

"After this, we need to look into some Doctors and see which ones you want to try out," Jane informs her.

"Don't you have to work?" Maura wonders after a moment.

"Today's my day off," Jane admits through a full mouth.

"Jane, you shouldn't waste your day off on me," Maura tells her.

Jane just shakes her head and swallows her food. "I meant what I said last night." is all Jane says. Maura gives in, not wanting to turn down help. She needs help.

"Jane, thank you," she responds as sincerely as possible.

They spend hours reading doctor's reviews and searching for a good first try. Their third choice is the one they're able to make an emergency appointment with for later that day. Her name is Doctor Beck.

She's wonderful and completely understanding. It's amazing that the first in their search is the one.

Maura is nervous up until the point when her young, smiley doctor walks into her exam room. The peppy, dark skinned woman seems almost too young to be a doctor. But she takes such care with Maura immediately, and throws worry out the window.

When she begins her examinations, Jane can feel Maura's grip on her hand loosen for the first time since Jane linked their hands in the waiting room.

Eventually Maura isn't holding on any more, as she gets completely comfortable with Doctor Beck. As she does all of Maura's initial tests she nods her head positively which helps ease both of their minds.

"All right, Miss Isles so far everything looks good, we are just going to do an ultrasound to see how far along you are." She says cheerily.

The smile on the young doctor's face makes both women rest easy after she get's a good view on the sonogram screen. She takes a quick measurement and continues to move the wand around to get a few more angles before she's satisfied.

"Well this is the best we are going to see of him or her," she grins and points to a small speck on the screen as she watches Maura's awed face.

Jane feels the urge to grab Maura's hand again, but this is Maura's child and Maura's moment.

"You're about seven and a half weeks right now. Everything is looking great. Normally you're supposed to come in once a month, but since you have had a miscarriage before, I want you to come in every two weeks just so we can make sure everything is fine along the way," the doctor explains. "I'll just take your vitals and see how you're doing, make sure your comfortable and we'll get a look at your baby just like today."

"Everything is good?" Jane asks to be sure and the doctor smiles and nods to her.

"Everything is looking great," she confirms. "Around 16 weeks we're going to take a little amniotic fluid and run some tests on it to make sure everything is fine, but for now the baby looks healthy and is developing right on track. Now we're testing your blood the nurse drew earlier and if we get anything back we'll call you in for another appointment sooner, but as of now you can make an appointment for the Wednesday after next."

"Thanks Doctor Beck," Jane says before getting up and shaking the young woman's hand. It's an odd gesture. Maura thinks it's something a nervous father would do. She adores it though.

"It's my pleasure," she says sincerely. "There will be a print out of your sonogram along with a prescription for prenatal vitamins at the front Miss Isles." she informs her before leaving the room.

Maura wipes her stomach clean and redresses before they leave. The entire way to the drug store she keeps her eyes on the sonogram of the baby growing inside her.

They go inside the pharmacy and decide to stay and wait for their order when the pharmacist says it will only take about fifteen minutes to fill.

Jane watches, as Maura remains enamored by the black and white photo.

"Hard to believe that little peanut is a baby," Jane says after a few moments.

Maura looks up at her, a smile brimming her lips and reaching her eyes. "I'm trying to commit every swirl and shadow to memory."

"It's amazing isn't it," Jane whispers.

Maura nods, the grin not leaving her lips. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Jane shrugs before taking another look at the photo in Maura's hands. "We should get that framed."

The way she uses the word "we" makes Maura's heart skip. "We are going to be getting like 20 of these," Maura says, punctuating the word "we."

"Well then we should keep them all. We'll call it 'evolution of baby,'" Jane laughs.

Maura just smiles and returns her eyes to the picture. "We can do that."

"Isles," the pharmacist calls out and she jumps up and tucks the photo in her coat pocket before stepping forward. "Congratulations to you and your partner," she smiles before handing over the prescription.

"Oh we-"

"Thanks so much," Jane interrupts as she steps up behind Maura, and wraps her arms around her hip. "Just found out yesterday." Jane adds, and Maura just about dies when she plants a kiss to her hair.

"Yeah we uh-" she stutters and scratches her neck beneath her scarf. "We're…" She pauses completely in shock.

"Oh, honey, are you feeling sick again?" Jane worries falsely, while swiping her card for the vitamins. "Pregnancy, I'm telling you, I love her more every day for having our baby," Jane smiles before grabbing Maura's hand and leading her out of the store while their pharmacist showers them with 'awes.'

She absolutely can't believe what Jane just did. She pretended to be her partner, called her honey, kissed her and said she loved her. She knows that Jane was just acting, but she's still stunned. Mostly she's surprised by how much she wishes it was true. How much she yearns for _this _to be her reality instead.

"Why did you do that?" Maura stutters once they're back in the car.

"Was that not okay?" Jane wonders. "I'm sorry I just know you can't lie and I didn't want to put you in a position to make something up when people ask questions like that. You can't exactly tell them the truth."

"I- thank you," Maura lands on after a moment of contemplation.

"That's what friends are for," Jane shrugs. "Besides you are having our baby, right?" Jane laughs and Maura joins in with her.

Deep down, a part of her wishes it _was_ their baby. She's surprised at the thought, but not unwelcoming to it. Jane has cared more for her in the past month than James ever did.

She knows Jane could very well love a child much more than James ever could. And she's realizing that maybe that's why she could easily see herself loving Jane more than she ever did love James.

She's wondering if James could ever feel love.

Maybe that's why she thought they fit so well together. She'd always thought she wasn't able to love. She never felt that spark that she'd heard so much about.

So she taught herself to love and for so long it worked. Two people who can't feel love pretending to love each other. It was the only thing that seemed possible.

But now she can't help but think that all of that wasn't true, and it's all because of Jane.

Because she can see herself loving Jane, and it's only frightening because she finds that love developing so effortlessly.


	9. Of Holidays and Mistakes

**Finals are approaching and life is getting hectic but don't worry, updates will still be regular. Just going to wish everyone facing these atrocities good luck. We shall prevail together.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews, I can't say enough how amazing you all are.**

**But I'm going to do some shameless plugging right now. For over a year now I have been OBSESSED with this show, and I can't stand anymore how little attention it's receiving. But the fan base is growing steadily and with season 2 on the horizon, I know it's finally going to start getting the recognition it deserves...so if you haven't figured out what I'm talking about, you're the demographic I'm referring to. Watch Orphan Black! You won't regret it and you'll make me super happy for convincing people to watch this show and possibly give it more fans. You all are the largest audience I can reach and so yeah I'm kind of using this power for what I think is a necessary evil. So yeah shameless plugging over...season 2 starts Saturday and my life will finally be whole again.**

**So on with chapter 8.**

* * *

The holidays are rapidly approaching, something that Maura is trying to ignore. With no one to celebrate with, holidays aren't all too exciting. Not that they were extremely exciting before. James and her didn't celebrate much. But at least then, she had someone to spend them with.

Jane's weekly visits have turned into every other day visits. She makes sure Maura is eating healthy for the baby, but usually they wind up on the couch talking and watching something on TV, if they can find anything.

Maura has been keeping Jane's beer stocked at her home, something that Korsak is beginning to question. He and Maura have become better friends, but the one topic he won't touch is Jane. Whenever they talk, he steers clear of any conversations about his former partner. She really hoped he'd be able to give her something below the surface on Jane, but he's a vault when it comes to her. She knows the only way to actually get to know Jane is to get the information out of her herself.

Each day that Jane is over, Maura finds herself inching closer to her on the couch. She yearns so much for human contact and affection, and Jane knows that. They get more comfortable in each other's space.

She doesn't know though, that these yearnings of Maura's are actually a whole new thing for her.

Maura's finding that she needs Jane more than she's needed anyone, and it's not because of her predicament. It's just because of Jane.

The first time Maura notices how well they work together, she's cooking something in her kitchen. The space is cramped even for one person, but some time through her cooking, Jane joins her and offers to help. They make it work despite bumping into each other a few times, which may not have been an accident after the first. She enjoys the feeling of Jane working behind her.

She's noticing that whenever the brunette is around, everything about her is at ease. It's a comfort she's starting to wish she could experience every day.

She's saddest when it comes time for Jane to go home.

And when she shuts the door behind her, everything comes back and she remembers she's going to be a single mother in witness protection, testifying against the largest drug cartel in the world.

But Jane is her savior and she's her only friend.

And as she's able to get herself closer to her physically, she's hoping eventually she can do the same emotionally.

They talk, but mostly it's about Maura, or the baby, or work, or the cartel or the upcoming trip to Arizona. She's noticing that very little of their conversations ever revolve around Jane.

And when they land on the brunette, she'll give up some sliver of information and then close up or change the subject.

She knows that her and Frankie are closer than she is with the rest of her family. She knows Jane loves to play basketball with her brother and they often get in trouble for getting a little too rough until someone ends up bloody. She knows Jane loves bacon chocolate, an odd fact she found out one night when they somehow got on the topic of snack foods. And she knows that WITSEC wasn't Jane's first choice as a job. But whenever she tries to dig deeper, Jane stops her immediately.

Other than that, Maura has only scratched the surface.

Jane is a master at changing the subject.

And yet she still manages to be incredibly caring.

When Jane takes her to the doctor again, she holds her hand through the whole ordeal.

She remembers to ask for another print out of the sonogram, which Doctor Beck happily grants. Maura smiles at that, remembering Jane's idea to keep all of the images.

Later that night, when Jane and her are sitting on the couch as usual she decides to voice her concerns. She still hasn't decided if she wants to keep her child, which Jane thankfully hasn't been pressuring her about. But the two sonograms on her fridge are reminders every day that there's a life growing inside of her. And it eats at her that Jane seems to be more excited about the child than she is.

"Are you okay?" Jane asks, noticing Maura staring off into space.

"I'm just thinking," Maura sighs.

"You're worrying," Jane corrects her. Jane is getting better at figuring out how she's really feeling. She always knows when something isn't right. Maura finds it endearing most of the time, but lately she just wishes she wasn't so easy to read.

"I don't think I'm ready for a baby Jane. I'm just not maternal. What if I can't do it," Maura admits.

"You don't have to decide right now," Jane assures her. "Have you been talking to Doctor Warner about your fears?"

"She uh- doesn't know I'm pregnant yet," Maura mumbles.

"Maura don't you think that's pertinent medical information," Jane shakes her head. "Doctor Warner is supposed to help you with stuff like that."

"She's still helping me talk about Jimmy, I can't- I just think we are making progress with that and the testimony is needed in the beginning of the year," Maura makes excuses.

"Maura your mental well-being is just as important as your testimony, especially for this baby," Jane scolds her. "Doctor Warner can help you feel better about this."

"I think you do a better job at keeping me okay with having this baby," Maura admits. Jane does a better job at making her feel at peace with everything, actually. Jane was the one who first got Maura to speak about Jimmy before finally feeling comfortable enough to speak to her therapist about it. "But Doctor Warner cannot physically prepare me for motherhood, Jane. It's entirely possible that I will be a bad mother."

"The fact that you're worrying about being a bad mother means you're better than you think. You care about this baby Maura, that's maternal instinct right there." Jane tells her.

"You can't know that I'll be capable though. I may love the child, but what about caring for it. I don't know how to do that, I never even had a mother." Maura argues, the panic rising inside her.

"Do you want to go to one of those classes? We can go to all of them if you think that will help." Jane suggests.

"You want to go to parenting classes with me?" Maura questions.

"I don't _want _to," Jane laughs. "I just mean, I'll do whatever you need. I know you need a partner and unless you want Korsak to be your baby daddy," she trails off.

"I was actually thinking maybe you could ask Frankie. From everything you've told me about him he sounds like a strapping young man. Maybe he could be my 'baby daddy' as you said," Maura says nonchalantly.

Jane looks shocked and a little angry before Maura laughs and grabs her hand. "Jane you're the _only_ one I'd love to take a parenting class with," Maura smiles. "And since I know you'll be my partner, we could do some Lamaze when I get further along too."

"Now wait I didn't agree-"

"I'm also really worried with the idea of giving birth. What if I don't want to push," Maura interrupts.

"Maura," Jane sighs earning a pout from the blonde. "Okay I'll be your baby daddy at Lamaze too." She's realizing she just can't say no when Maura frowns. It's frightening how easily Jane gives in to everything her witness needs just to see her smile. She's playing with fire, and she thinks she likes it.

* * *

Jane's seen Maura virtually every day this week. Whether she went to the diner for lunch, attended a class with Maura or ended up at her house with food, she was with the blonde at least once a day, every day.

On Christmas Eve she hadn't seen Maura all day, while she stayed home with her family and had dinner. After eating she realizes she doesn't want to finish the day without seeing the her so she packs up some of their dinner to bring over. It's beginning to become difficult for Jane to stay away from Maura.

She texts Maura, who tells her she's glad she's coming over today. She's happy Maura seems to be as attached as she is.

When she gets to her house, Maura pulls her into an unexpected hug. "I was scared I wouldn't see you before Christmas. I thought I missed my chance."

"Your chance?" Jane wonders.

"To give you this," Maura clarifies before grabbing a small, wrapped box off her bed.

"Maura, you shouldn't have," Jane says as she takes the box from her.

"You've done so much for me Jane and as much as you want to say it's your job, I know it's not. We are friends and friends get gifts for each other." Maura excuses.

"But Maura I didn't get you anything." Jane sighs sadly. She feels selfish.

Maura just shakes her head and pushes at her gift to encourage her to open it. "You being in my life _is_ a gift enough."

Jane does as she's asked and opens the box to find a leather badge holder inside.

"Korsak helped me. He said you'd been complaining for years about needing a better one, but you never did anything about it." Maura explains.

"Maura this is perfect." Jane says in awe.

"It's got a clip on the back if you like it on your belt and a chain if you want it around your neck. I don't know where you wear yours." Maura shrugs.

Jane pulls hers from around her neck and shows it to the blonde to answer her question. "It's easier to always have it on if it's around my neck."

"You always wear it?" Maura wonders. She steps forward and holds the metal star in her hand and runs her thumb over it.

"Comes in handy. Help me put it on?" Jane asks.

"Of course," Maura agrees.

After Jane secures the badge into its holder, she hands it to Maura and pulls her hair up. Maura takes Jane's cue and helps gently slip it around her neck. She also not so accidentally swipes her hand across Jane's neck in the process, and a shiver runs down her spine at the touch. Jane feels her own goose bumps form as she tucks her badge away again. They're both momentarily shocked by the spark they felt from just a simple touch and it turns into a brief staring contest.

Maura just stands in awe for a moment until Jane finally asks what's wrong.

"I just- how did you get here? You know just about everything about me, but I don't even know your side." Maura wonders. She doesn't know how she got so lucky to have Jane in her life after all she's done.

"What do you mean?" Jane asks for clarification.

"How did you become a Marshal?"

"That's not some big secret, Maura." Jane shrugs, not answering the question.

"It's not an average every day job, Jane. It takes talent, like they've got to really see something in you to request for you to be a Marshal. What did you do that put you on their radar?" Maura wonders and for once, instead of changing the subject, Jane opens up and tells her.

"I was a police officer for a while. They usually made me work homicides and stuff like that and one day we had this big case. I'm talking FBI and other federal agents big. I met this guy named Casey and he was into me. He was a U.S. Marshall who was in charge of protecting the informant that was helping the FBI with the case. I may have led him on a little bit to keep up with the facts on the case. He was pissed when he found out I was gay." Jane stops to laugh. "We became friends though and he just kept pressuring me to join the Marshals and finally I gave in and my application was accepted. And then I just did the rest to prove myself. I got my Deputy Marshal's badge about a year later.

"And your brother?" Maura asks.

"I wanted him to go to college and he did. Came out with a criminal justice degree. I was so happy. I thought he'd be a lawyer or something. Next thing I know he's shaking hands with my boss Cavanaugh and heading off to Georgia for training. I was so pissed at both of them. My boss had been telling him he'd consider him for a job for the last year and I'd never known," Jane explains. "A part of me still wishes he had failed the exam. He made Deputy Marshal about six months ago."

"Why didn't you want him to be a Marshal?"

"It's not an easy job and it's not safe. My ma, she wants grandkids and this job…it's not easy to cultivate a family when you're housing criminals and keeping them safe from other criminals. He was the one that was supposed to make something of himself and raise a family. Now, well I know Ma still blames me for getting him into this," Jane sighs as she starts to wring her hands.

Maura closes the little distance between them on the couch and starts massaging her hands like usual. "What about your other brother?" She hums while looking at Jane's hands as she works. She feels Jane go stiff a moment and realizes she's just stepped on an eggshell. She expects for Jane to get angry when she relaxes a moment later and just shrugs.

"He's not that kind of guy," is all she says.

Normally Jane would close up or change the subject. This time she just gently ends the topic so Maura understands not to ask. It's more progress.

"I just came over to bring you dinner," Jane says after a moment. "I didn't mean for us to get into such a deep discussion."

"I don't mind. I like learning things about you, Jane," Maura confesses.

"Yeah, well I told you once, I don't usually like to share. Anyways, Ma will kill me if I'm not at Mass tonight." Jane says before getting up.

Maura frowns and follows Jane to the door to say goodnight. She doesn't want the brunette to leave, but unlike her, Jane has a family to celebrate with.

"Merry Christmas, Maura," Jane says on her way out.

"Merry Christmas, Jane. Thanks for dinner," Maura replies before closing the door behind the brunette.

She takes her food to the kitchen to prepare a plate, eager to taste more of Mrs. Rizzoli's food. She's just plated the food and placed it in the microwave when she hears knocking on her door.

"Jane, did you forget something?" She asks as she answers.

"I'd like you to come to Christmas dinner with me," Jane mumbles and Maura almost doesn't understand her.

"Are you sure?" Maura wonders.

"No," she says. "I mean, it's totally out of the ordinary and I've never, ever done this before, but I want you to have a good Christmas. I want you to come to dinner."

"I- okay. If you're sure," Maura agrees.

"Okay I- I'm sure," Jane responds. "I'll pick you up tomorrow around twelve."

"Goodnight Jane," Maura says.

"Take care, Maura," Jane responds before walking off.

She closes the door behind her this time and leans against it to process what just happened. She's meeting Jane's family tomorrow, something she never thought she'd experience. She met Frankie, but that was as a witness and this time it's as a friend.

She has never met someone's family before, but she knows it's something she should and does feel extremely nervous for. First impressions are important, especially when she's the first witness Jane has ever brought home.

She almost wants to turn Jane down. She's not social and she could very easily mess things up, but she knows this is her chance to see the side of Jane she's been yearning to see.

* * *

When she wakes up in the morning she texts Jane immediately.

_Should I bring something?_

_Just yourself, Maura. –_Jane.

_And you're sure your mother is okay with this?_

_I just told her you were a friend so maybe don't bring up my job. –_Jane.

Now she starts to panic.

_Your job is all I know about you Jane!_

_I won't let her hound you with questions, Maura. Just don't let her know you're a witness. _–Jane

She panics up until the moment they get to Jane's home. It's a small townhouse in a row of similar looking houses on a small Boston street. She wonders if this is where Jane grew up.

When she walks in she sees childhood photos everywhere and some news articles lining the walls. As she gets closer she sees the title 'Hero Cop Saves Young Girl.' She doesn't get to read anymore before a woman hugs her.

"You must be, Maura. It's not every day our Janie brings home a _friend_ for the holidays!" the woman says emphasizing the word friend.

"Ma, really?" Jane scolds her. "Maura, this is my Ma."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Rizzoli," Maura smiles.

"Angela, sweetie," she corrects her. "She's so polite, Janie. Good job," she whispers unsubtly to her daughter.

"What did I tell you?" She asks her mother angrily.

"Fine, Jane." Angela gives in to whatever Jane asked of her. "Maura, dear, make yourself at home. Usually Jane helps cook, but I'll make Frankie do it when he gets here so Jane doesn't have to leave you alone."

"Actually, I love to cook, Angela. I'd be happy to help you and Jane in the kitchen." Maura suggests.

Jane shakes her head. "Maura that isn't necessary."

"If your girlfriend wants to help, Jane, I'm not going to turn her down. She'd probably be more willing to actually work than you anyways," Angela says.

Maura immediately looks to Jane when Angela says the word girlfriend. "Come in the kitchen when you guys are ready."

"Girlfriend?" Maura panics as soon as Angela walks away.

"I bring the first girl home for the holidays in like four years and Ma assumes we are dating." Jane grumbles. "I'll set her straight Maura, don't worry about it. God this is a disaster."

"I'm not embarrassed, Jane." Maura tries to comfort her.

"I am," Jane admits.

"Don't be. Your mom just wants you to be happy," Maura replies.

"I guess," Jane sighs. "Come on, she'll come get us if we don't go in there."

They get to work helping Angela with dinner and she starts asking questions immediately.

"So how did you guys meet?" Angela wonders.

"Ma, we aren't dating," Jane denies immediately.

"Okay, well you still met somehow," Angela replies and confirms that she's not going to take no for an answer.

"I work at the diner," Maura says. Jane looks at her questioningly and she just shrugs. It's not a lie.

"You work at the Robber?" Angela asks in surprise.

"Yeah, Ma. Lena got a new job so Maura is her replacement," Jane explains.

Angela looks at her daughter for a moment before smirking. "So she has Lena's old job?"

"Ma, don't," Jane warns her mother. Their whole interaction is confusing and Maura knows she's missing something.

"I won't Jane, but I doubt it's coincidence," Angela chuckles.

"We aren't dating so it isn't anything." Jane says angrily.

"Okay, Janie. So tell me about yourself, Maura. Where are you from?" Angela asks.

Through the rest of Angela's questioning, Maura keeps an eye on Jane to find out what's okay to answer and what's not. Jane is there to answer anything she knows Maura may have trouble lying about.

It's not long before Frankie arrives.

"Hey, Merry Christmas, Ma and Janie," He enters the kitchen and kisses his mother on the cheek before he notices Maura. He pauses instantly and zeroes in on her.

"Um, Janie can we go talk outside a moment?" He asks keeping his eyes on the blonde.

"Uh, sure. Maura you'll be okay right?" Jane asks.

"I won't eat her, Jane," Angela answers for her.

Jane waits for Maura to nod that everything is fine before she heads out with Frankie.

"Are you crazy?" Frankie yells as soon as they're outside. "You brought a witness home and not just any witness but Price's wife! Jane you hated her and now you're bringing her to dinner?"

"She's- well I've been- she's not that bad, Frankie," she stutters in defense of the blonde.

"She's a criminal, Jane, and not just any criminal. Mom will flip if she finds out who she is," Frankie tells her.

"Which is why she won't find out, Maura's a friend I met at the Robber, okay?" Jane asks.

He stares blankly at her before rolling his eyes. "Fine, I just can't believe you're friends with her now." he mutters.

"She's different." Jane sighs.

"How? How is she different?" He demands.

"She just is." Jane replies.

"That's not an answer!" Frankie shouts. "I'm not part of this. If she finds out, Jane she'll kill Maura and then she'll kill you."

"Stop worrying so much." Jane tries to calm him down.

"What about Tommy?" Frankie asks, his voice at a normal decibel now.

"None of us know where he is," Jane sighs.

"Mom is going to be upset if he doesn't show up for Christmas dinner," Frankie sighs sadly.

"We got her through Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe Maura being here will help her cope. She thinks we are dating," Jane laughs.

"Then you definitely better hope Ma doesn't find out her connection to Price," Frankie advises again.

"Yeah, I got it, Francesco," Jane replies.

"I told you not to call me that," he growls at a now smirking Jane. She raises her eyebrows challengingly and he smirks back at her. "Wanna play some ball?" Frankie asks.

"Frankie, you just said you don't want Ma to find out about Maura and you want me to leave her alone with her," Jane laughs.

"She was James Price's wife, I'm sure she can handle Ma," Frankie points out.

"She can't lie, Frankie," Jane admits.

"Really?" Frankie asks unbelievably.

"I'm serious," Jane confirms. "She's not what you'd expect."

"That's-"

"Irony, my brother, yes," Jane answers.

"Just first to ten? It's tradition," he begs.

Inside the kitchen Angela tries to bond with Maura during Jane's absence.

"They're probably going to end up playing basketball. It's like a Christmas tradition or something," Angela comments once her daughter leaves.

"She loves sports," Maura comments awkwardly now that Jane isn't here.

"I wouldn't worry so much about her not committing. You're the first girl she's brought home in a while, but you aren't the first girl. She'll be calling you her girlfriend by Valentine's day, don't worry," Angela advises.

"Angela we really aren't-"

"You seem like a nice girl Maura, and the way Janie looks at you, I just know. Maybe you can convince her to settle down. She hates her job and yet she chooses it over settling down with a nice girl." Angela continues to rant while she cooks. "But, you are a prize, Maura and I can tell she adores you."

Maura doesn't know what to say. Does she really see all that? Does Jane look at her adoringly? She's wondering if she's been missing something, but she's excited by the thought that Jane could have feelings for her.

"I just want at least one of my children to settle down and just allow themselves to be happy," She sighs and Maura can feel how sad she is. Now she understands what Jane was saying last night.

Maura almost wants to ask about Jane's other brother, but she realizes she doesn't even know his name. And she doesn't want to coax information out of Jane's mother.

"I think she's scared her job might corrupt her relationship or something. I can tell with her though, commitment is what Janie struggles with the most. And I think it's because her father and I set a bad example." Angela begins to admit.

They stop talking a moment when they hear a noise from outside that sounds like the bouncing of a ball. Angela just smiles a knowing smile at Maura.

"Where is Mr. Rizzoli?" Maura wonders.

"Jane got rid of him, thank the lord," Angela answers. "He was a drunk and he was an abuser and one day Jane stepped in between us and took his beating. I hated that I couldn't protect her from that. I felt so weak, but she was strong. When she came out he tried to attack her again, but she was ready and she took him on," Angela sniffles a bit as she recalls the past. "Jane has always been so strong, but pride may be a downfall. I know she's dealing with a lot. We aren't an easy family to deal with, especially Tommy. Two siblings on the right side of the law and another on the wrong, I don't know how it happened."

Angela's confession finally reveals to Maura why Jane doesn't want to talk about the other brother. He's a criminal.

"She's the strongest person I've ever met." Maura replies honestly.

"Yeah, that's my Janie," she sighs. "I just wished after Tommy got out this time he could have finally straightened up. I know Jane blames herself for his problems."

She wants to ask how Jane could possibly be to blame but seconds later, Jane comes barging in pinching her nose and groaning. Angela jumps into action immediately.

"Every year, every year! I say no rough housing and one of you still ends up with a bloody nose or a black eye," Angela yells as soon as she sees the state of her children. "Sit down, Jane and stop groaning, I'm getting the ice."

Maura sits next to Jane and takes her hand comfortingly. "I can reset it," she suggests. "It looks broken."

"Could you?" Jane asks.

"It's going to hurt." Maura warns.

"I trust you," Jane tells her and Maura nods.

The other two Rizzoli's watch as Maura looks Jane in the eye and nods. Then she places her hands up to Jane's face and causes Jane's nose to 'pop.' She keeps her hands on Jane's face and holds her still while Jane moans and 'ow's.

"It's going to swell and I can't promise it won't bruise," Maura says while examining her work. When she presses too hard, Jane groans. "Your mom is getting ice for it," Maura comforts her and Angela steps forward to give it to her.

She's enamored by the blonde and what she's just done. But she can also sense the dynamic between the two women. The caring and the looks and the little world they enter together without anyone else, just like they just have.

"Alright Frankie, come finish helping me while your sister heals. We are almost done," Angela tells her son. "And dishes are on you tonight for injuring your sister."

Maura giggles as Frankie gripes all the way into the kitchen. "Did you hurt yourself to get out of dishes?" Maura jokes before pressing the ice gently to Jane's nose.

"No," Jane mumbles wincing as Maura places the bag on her face. "For the record he's usually the one who gets hurt."

"You beat up your brother? Is that supposed to impress me?" Maura asks cockily.

"Don't get cheeky, Isles," Jane laughs turning her face down gently to notice just how close Maura's is. She can feel her breath on her lips and she doesn't know if she has the willpower to keep that distance. "My mom really likes you," Jane says, trying to keep conversation to avoid the thoughts in her head urging her to kiss Maura.

"She doesn't know me," Maura sighs.

"You're very likeable, Maura. And that little party trick you did on my nose. She looked like she wanted to worship you," Jane laughs.

"She told me you're going to be calling me your girlfriend by Valentine's Day," Maura tells her.

"Oh really, I think I could hold out at least until Easter," Jane taunts.

"Who's being cheeky _now_?" Maura laughs.

She swears she sees Maura's lips fall to hers for a second, or a portion of a second. It was brief, but she saw it.

She wonders if Maura wants to kiss her too. They _are _shamelessly flirting. She almost gives into the urge when she manages to blurt out, "Thank you."

"What for?" Maura asks.

"For fixing my nose and keeping my Ma's mind off other things." Jane answers with a shrug. Maura thinks those 'others things' Jane is talking about refers to Tommy.

"Yeah, well your mom is very nice," Maura replies. "I can't wait to call her mother-in-law," Maura quips earning a small slap from Jane.

"Don't give her the idea," Jane says. "She legitimately already thinks we are dating, don't make her start hounding me for rings."

"I'm not a fan of diamonds," Maura continues to joke.

"It's not funny!" Jane tries to say before laughing. "Okay, maybe a little bit."

When Maura smiles, yet again she feels that tug. She wants so badly to eliminate those mere inches and press her lips to Maura, and surprisingly the thought no longer worries her as much as it should. She almost does it and she's pretty sure Maura wants her to, but then her mother's voice is heard shouting at them to set the table and they break apart instantly.

Dinner is calm between the four of them. They make light conversation usually pertaining to Maura or Maura and Jane.

Angela continues to make reference to them being a couple. Frankie laughs every time, Jane rolls her eyes and Maura's cheeks go red.

"So Maura, what you did to Janie's nose, how did you know how to do that?" Angela wonders and Frankie drops his silverware in fear.

How do you explain that you had to fix a lot of broken noses if you can't lie?

"I was studying to be a doctor a while back and I did some clinic hours in the E.R.," Maura explains and Frankie looks stunned. He looks to Jane to receive a nod of agreement so he knows it's true.

"Oh where did you go?" Angela wonders, her intrigue with Maura growing.

"Southern California, but believe it or not I really wanted to come here for Boston Cambridge. I got in, but I couldn't afford it," Maura admits.

"Janie got in there too," Angela says proudly. "But she started working to be a cop instead. She wanted to help take care of us."

"Ma," Jane shakes her head trying to get her mother off that topic.

"Why did you drop out?' Angela wonders and Jane panics.

"I- uh," Maura stutters.

"She fell in love," Jane says with a hint of bitterness and her brow raised at Maura.

"What happened to her?" Angela asks.

"_He_ passed away," Maura tells her and to room goes quiet and tense.

"I'm sorry, dear." Angela reaches across the table and pats her hand.

"Don't be, it brought me to Jane," Maura responds happily.

Jane's heart all but jumps out of her chest. Either Maura is milking the fake girlfriend thing or she really is thankful that Jane's in her life. When Jane remembers that Maura can't lie, she smiles. Especially when her mother gives her the approving nod. She wishes she had kissed Maura when she had the chance.

The rest of dinner goes smoothly, and Maura even earns points with Frankie by helping him with the dishes. But he does scold her about her choices and warns her not to get his sister in trouble.

She'd never get Jane in trouble so it was an easy promise to make, but she doesn't realize he's asking her not to act on her obvious feelings for Jane. She's impressed by how protective and loving Frankie seems. Family is something she often regrets not having and seeing one like Jane's, no matter how small it is, brings those feelings back to the forefront of her mind. Being a nerdy foster child, the closest thing she had to family were her uncaring foster parents and their other foster children.

On the ride home, Jane and Maura are beaming with how well the night went and how much closer it has unexpectedly brought them.

But on the way Maura decides she's not going to walk around eggshells anymore. She wants to know more about Jane and tonight seems like the only night she can get her in the mood to talk. Angela revealed so much information about the mysterious brunette, but she needs to know the rest and she needs to know why Jane blames herself.

"Why wasn't Tommy at dinner?" Maura decides to go straight for the questions.

"Maura," Jane responds warningly that it's a topic she needs to stay away from.

"I know he just got out of jail, Jane. I just want to know more," Maura explains.

"You don't need to know more," Jane argues. "You shouldn't know that much. I can't help it my mother has a big mouth."

"Why can't you just open yourself up a bit more and let me know something about you?" Maura begs.

"Why? Because I'm a Deputy Marshal and you're my witness. That's it. And it's not my job to make sure you know every waking detail about me, Maura. This has all been a mistake," Jane growls. She let Maura get too close and now the regret and fear is seeping in and sealing the cracks.

It hurts to hear everything between them be called a mistake. She was making progress and she ruined it by purposely stepping on an eggshell and asking a question she knew would set Jane off. But still, to be called a mistake is disheartening.

"I'm sorry for asking, I just- I want to know you, Jane," Maura pouts and she watches Jane's knuckles tense before she lets out a puff of air in anger.

When they pull up to Maura's house, Jane lets it go.

"Since we're such good girlfriends, Maura," Jane taunts "I'll let you in on the huge secret. Tommy is an addict. A meth addict to be exact and he particularly had a taste for a certain brand of that shit. He landed himself in jail multiple times on possession and this time when he got out he didn't come home."

It's nowhere near what Maura was expecting, especially when Jane leans her head on the steering wheel and starts sniffling. Maura wants to crawl across the console and comfort her, but she knows that's the last thing Jane wants. It explains why Jane didn't want to be around her in the beginning. She's everything Jane should hate.

Maura is partly responsible for Jane's biggest problem and it's causing the woman she's beginning to care so deeply for, to cry.

"And from what I hear, they got him selling to pay back his debts," she admits a little more calmly, though her voices cracks from unshed tears. "He's got one more shot and he's throwing it away to be a part of your husband's old cartel. I can't get a hold of him to help him. My baby brother is out there slinging dope and he's gonna get himself killed." This time she's sobbing and each one is gut wrenching for Maura.

"Ma's wondering where he is and I don't have the guts to tell her the truth." Jane finishes and Maura starts crying too. She's the cause of all of this.

She makes the mistake of grabbing Jane's hand and the brunette flinches away. Maura's not welcome to touch her hands anymore.

"Get out!" Jane shouts, startling the crying blonde.

"Jane," she pleads, trying to reason, but Jane just slams her fists on the wheel.

"Get out, Maura." she demands again.

Maura does as she's asked and Jane drives away immediately.

She realizes on her drive home exactly why she has her rules in place. And she scolds herself for breaking number one.

_Never bring a witness home._

* * *

**Don't hate me...**


	10. Of Reparations and Testimony

**I'm just amazed every time I post a chapter for you guys and just so thankful for your wonderful support and reviews. I cannot say thank you enough.**

**So I guess...I'll just have to post earlier in thanks.**

**You know the routine. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Maura can't believe how stupid she was. Why did she have to be so pushy? One day Jane would have been bold enough to tell her, right?

Unless she was trying to protect Maura from herself. Her husband was part of the reason Jane's family is broken. She was married to Jane's enemy. She _is_ an enemy.

It's the first time she witnesses the direct outcome of her husband's work. She can't even call it her husband's work. It was her work too.

She helped conceal him under a common American lifestyle. They were the happily married couple that sometimes invited the neighbors over just to seem even less suspicious. They were a team even if Jimmy thought he was keeping his work life separate. Maura knew his every move. She wasn't stupid or naïve.

She let herself live in denial though.

And now there is no denying she is as terrible as Jane thinks she is.

But it's all so clear.

She can understand why Jane wasn't so eager to meet her and passed her off on Frankie. It explains why she was so angry and closed up in the beginning.

She would have been far less civil than Jane had been.

And now she's back to hating Maura. She scolds herself for not being able to let the subject of Tommy go.

But a part of her is glad she found out about Tommy. She realizes that maybe she can help make it right.

The next day she wakes up puffy eyed and exhausted from not getting much sleep. She goes to work looking like a zombie. She's feeling sick from the baby yet again plus she's tired and hungry. She isn't a joy to work with and Korsak notices instantly, especially when she stumbles a bit.

"Maura, you're not looking too hot there," He says as he helps her sit. "Why did you come in?"

"I didn't want to miss another day," Maura mumbles.

"Hey, I can cover whenever you're sick," He promises. "As long as it's not an everyday thing, I'll be able to understand when you're under the weather."

He's so sincere. She wants to be honest with him. If he has reason to hate her she wants to know before she gets to liking him in her life too much. She can't lose another person like she's probably lost Jane.

"Do you know who I am?" Maura wonders sadly.

"I uh- we shouldn't talk about that," he denies.

"Do you hate me?" She asks brokenly.

"Come- come in the back with me, Maura," he advises pulling her aside so they can talk privately.

"Maura we shouldn't talk about this. But I'll tell you this. I know who you are-"

"Then you know why Jane hates me," she sniffles.

"What?" Korsak laughs gruffly. "She's always in here eating lunch with you and picking you up and taking you places. That is not how Jane Rizzoli treats criminal witnesses. She treats criminal witnesses like- well like criminals. You know how many times she's brought a witness in here? Once, and that was you. It's why I hired you, Maura."

Maura wipes her eyes a bit and nods, choosing to believe him for now. But deep down she knows she deserves to be hated by Jane.

"I think Lena is off today, I'll call her in and she can take your shift." He tells her before heading back up front. "And I'm calling Jane to pick you up, you look too sick to drive."

Maura wants to say no, but she can barely stand, she is so dizzy.

She also doesn't know if she can face Jane right now, or ever. The worry of it just makes her stomach turn until she's running to the bathroom and relieving her already empty stomach. She's in there about half an hour before Korsak is knocking on the door to tell her Jane is here.

She cleans herself up and walks out to find Jane waiting with her coat. The brunette carefully helps her into it as if nothing was wrong.

"Maura sit down a moment while I have a talk with Jane here," Korsak says before pulling Jane toward the back against her will.

"What Korsak?" Jane asks angrily.

"You need to be careful around her, Jane," he scolds her.

"We are fine." Jane replies.

"With all this time you spend with her, Cavanaugh might take you off her case. I'm just telling you not to do anything stupid," he warns and she shrugs him off.

But in her head she's already thinking that she already did do something stupid_._

"If you have feelings for her, don't-"

"I don't have feelings for her!" Jane stops him immediately. But the moment she says it she knows just as much as Korsak does that it's a lie.

She stomps out of the back and almost runs right into a familiar redhead in a Robber serving uniform.

Maura looks up at Jane's entrance to see a thin, young, red headed woman standing next to her. She's stunning with her curled locks and green eyes.

"Lena?" Jane whispers before she steps forward and wraps the woman in an embrace.

"Hey, Jane," The woman replies before kissing Jane's cheek.

Maura's stomach instantly pangs with jealousy at the sight of their embrace. She wants to interrupt. She wants to claim Jane as hers. But Jane already hates her, she doesn't want to add fuel to the fire.

"Long time no see," Jane says fondly. "You look great."

"Thanks, new job means a bigger wallet for better clothes and a personal trainer," Lena laughs. "Vinny needs me to work in place of the new girl today so I can't really catch up with you, but I'll get your new number from him later. We need to talk."

"Yeah, absolutely. I'll see you later." Jane smiles before walking over to Maura and helping her stand.

She doesn't speak to the blonde as she leads them out. She just helps Maura buckle in and starts the car.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," Jane tells her as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"I'm fine," Maura disagrees.

"You're sick and you can barely stand," Jane points out.

"I didn't sleep, that's all," Maura explains.

Jane looks at Maura a moment before putting her eyes back on the road. "You need sleep, Maura. Think about the baby."

"I'm sorry." Maura sniffles.

As soon as she sees Maura's tears she pulls the car over immediately.

"I know that you hate me and I'm sorry." Maura cries as Jane pulls off the road.

"Maura," Jane says before unbuckling her seatbelt and facing the blonde.

"You shouldn't even want to protect me anymore," Maura continues to ramble.

Jane pulls Maura's hands into her lap and tries to get her to look at her, but the blonde keeps crying.

"I can try and contact someone and find out where Tommy is, maybe we can help him." Maura suggests.

Jane startles as soon as she hears that. "Maura look at me!" Jane demands and Maura finally listens, mostly out of surprise for the panic in Jane's voice.

"Don't call anyone!" Jane says seriously. "I didn't mean to blame you last night, Maura. I didn't want to tell you about Tommy just for this reason. He's not your responsibility and you will not put your life in danger to find him."

"But Jane-"

"No, Maura. No outside contact, that's the rule," Jane warns her. "No matter what, you're still my witness."

When Maura nods, Jane buckles herself back in and drives off again.

Maura's surprised when they wind up at her apartment building.

"If sleep is all you need, then maybe we can avoid the hospital," Jane explains as she gets out of the car and helps Maura out. "But, if you feel sick when you wake up we are going to the hospital."

She doesn't expect Jane to help her to her apartment and when she's in bed she's doesn't expect her to stay over.

Jane's presence helps her find peace and she drifts off easily. She feels safe whenever the brunette is near.

* * *

When she wakes up three hours later it's to the smell of something cooking. She opens her eyes to see her TV on silent and someone moving around in her kitchen. She realizes it's Jane when the brunette walks out.

"You're awake," Jane says once her and Maura's eyes meet. "Good, I just finished making some soup. Sit up and I'll bring it to you on a tray."

Maura does as she's told and Jane returns to set the food on her lap. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much," Maura replies.

She takes a moment to feel Maura's forehead just to be sure. The contact is something Maura so badly yearned for in fear that Jane may never have wanted to touch her again. She'd gotten so use to the physical contact with Jane no matter how brief, the fear of losing it tears her up as much as the fear of losing Jane does.

"Alright, well you go ahead and eat that and there's more in the kitchen. Just get some more rest." Jane says as she readies herself to leave.

"Are you not staying? Maura asks sadly.

"No, Maura, I've got some work to do," Jane replies. "I just wanted to make sure you ate."

It's something Jane has been doing since Maura found out she was pregnant. She's so caring and all Maura is, is trouble. But she can't be without the only person who cares about her being alive. "Can you come back tonight?" Maura pleads.

"Not tonight, Maur. But we will go to that pregnancy class you signed us up for tomorrow and I'll help you pack for Arizona." Jane promises. It soothes Maura only a little bit before she says goodbye to Jane.

She realizes that Jane still called her Maur. And she made her soup, which happens to be delicious. Jane must have run to the store while she slept.

She thinks maybe she can fix things with Jane. Maybe things aren't as terrible as they seem. If Jane is still willing to be in her life, maybe Maura does have a chance to make things right.

* * *

The next day, Jane picks her up for class as promised.

When they walk in, the board in the front of the class says: partner appreciation and self-confidence building.

They head towards the back and wait for their instructor to come in.

"What kind of class did you sign us up for Maura?" Jane asks as she looks around the room.

"It's an early pregnancy class. It's supposed to mentally prepare you for your baby journey," a woman responds from next them.

"How far along are you guys?" The woman's partner asks.

"Ten weeks," Maura responds.

"Awesome, we're just over twelve weeks," the father says happily. "Well, we're going to take our seats. Enjoy the class!"

"He's a little too excited for this," Jane whispers to Maura before taking a seat. "What the heck is a 'baby journey'?"

"Jane," Maura scolds her before joining her on the floor.

"I'm just saying. And why do men always have to say 'we' when referring to pregnancy when their wife is doing all the work?" Jane wonders.

"Pregnancy is collective," Maura shrugs. "You acknowledge that it's a partnership to raise a child."

"It's a partnership to raise a kid, but carrying one for nine months is all up to the mother. Mom's should get more of a reward." Jane replies.

"They get cheeseburgers when they have cravings." Maura points out.

"Are you hinting that you want me to get you cheeseburgers when you're craving food?" Jane wonders.

"Are you hinting that we're in a partnership?" Maura quips and Jane blushes in response. She doesn't say anything else until their instructor comes in.

"All right mommies and daddies," the instructor says cheerfully as she shuts the door and enters the center of the room. "Today we want to make everyone comfortable and excited about the life they are bringing into this world."

Jane almost wants to laugh. The woman looks and talks like she just stepped out of the Scooby Doo van.

"We are going to build some confidence in here today." She cheers, excitedly.

Jane spends the next half hour massaging Maura and telling her everything their instructor asks them to repeat.

"Thank you for giving us this baby."

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you for being so selfless."

"You will be an amazing mother."

She's awkward as she does so. It's not really her child, but she does as she's told and tells Maura what she needs to hear.

Maura feels horrible the entire time. She isn't selfless and she doesn't deserve Jane's thanks. All she wants to do is apologize a thousand times.

When the instructor changes it around, Maura says everything as sincerely and clearly at possible.

She holds Jane's hands and looks her in the eye.

"Thank you for being my partner on this journey."

"You mean so much to me."

"I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else."

Jane takes in every word as the truth because Maura speaks them so honestly.

Jane can't believe it when she leaves the class feeling calm. She never expected that hippy therapy to work. She's so happy that she doesn't realize they're not really a couple until they get out of the room and she has to separate their hands.

She scolds herself for thinking how badly she wishes Maura's hand was hers to hold. She needs to keep a level head. Too many times she has given in to her desires and she needs to start being more careful.

When they get back to Maura's house, Jane follows her inside to help her pack for her testimony in Arizona. Packing turns into briefing while Jane gives Maura tips and keeps asking her if she's okay.

"I'm fine, Jane. I'm ready." Maura finally replies with an annoyed tone.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want you to be too worried." Jane says.

"Can I ask you something?" Maura asks.

"You just did," Jane jokes.

"Seriously," Maura begs.

"Okay, go ahead."

"Why are you still being so nice to me? I mean we fought the other day and you're pretending like it never happened. You should hate me." Maura admits.

Jane sighs and shakes her head. "I don't hate you."

"But you should." Maura interjects.

"Well I don't," Jane says simply. "Normally I don't forgive people, but there's something about you. I forgave you for being married to Price a long time ago. Tommy is just a sore subject and it brings back the memory that you were married to the man responsible for his wrong doings. But that's not your fault. It's not even _really _Jimmy's fault. Tommy made his decisions, but it's still upsetting."

"You still shouldn't want anything to do with me," Maura sighs. "I should be your worst enemy and yet you're always picking me up off the floor and making me feel special."

"You are special, Maura." Jane replies.

"What makes me special?" Maura wonders.

"If only I knew," Jane responds. When Maura doesn't seem satisfied with that answer she tries to elaborate. "That first night I came over here, I hated you. I was so mean to you and you offered me tea. The second day we met, you said all this stuff about my hands. You just spewed off all these facts. And on the third day you helped me when my hands hurt and actually gave good advice, something three doctors were not able to do. You can't lie and you're so awkward. You made a terrible decision and it ruined not just your own life, but many other peoples' lives too. Yet, for some reason, I can't stay away from you." When she realizes she's admitted a little more than she should have she retreats back into herself and plans to make a speedy exit.

"I'm going to go home and pack," she manages to say after getting up and heading towards the door. "Frost and I will pick you up tomorrow around 7:30 to go to Logan. You're testifying in one day, but don't think about it too much." Jane advises her.

Maura agrees to everything and says her goodbyes.

When she's alone, reality hits her again and so does fear. What if the cartel is waiting for her in Arizona?

Every hour it gets closer to her testimony, the more terrified Maura becomes.

But she has Jane. Her savior and the woman who just admitted that she can't stay away from her. It makes her feel giddy, especially because she feels the same about Jane.

* * *

The next day they fly to Arizona on a small plane. They're staying one night in a low key hotel outside of the city. The biggest part of the plan of their operation, from what Jane explained, is to be in Arizona for as short as possible. They're staying one night, then immediately flying out at 5 a.m. the next day and if things go south, they have a backup plan to drive Maura out of Phoenix and fly her out from San Diego.

Jane usually makes her feel safe and comforts her when she needs it, but now that Frost is around, Jane is as closed off as normally. All she wants is for her to take her hand, but Jane is keeping everything professional.

She panics even more when she finds out Jane and Frost aren't allowed to come into the room while she gives her testimony.

Jane stops her before she enters and pulls her aside.

"You've got this, Maura. Just give them your best and we won't have to come back here unless they catch Escobar. You're going to be okay." Jane promises Maura, her hands holding her biceps and giving them an assuring squeeze.

Maura nods and then she's left with two lawyers and a judge to begin the recording of her testimony.

Frost and Jane wait anxiously outside of the room for hours. They pace and take turns doing checks for suspicious activity, but everything goes well. After a few hours, Maura and her lawyer exit the room. He's smiling which Jane takes as a good sign.

Maura looks like she's going to be sick.

Jane resists the urge she's been concealing all day to rush to her and take her hand.

"Everything all good?" Frost asks Maura's lawyer.

"Miss Isles did great," the middle aged man responds. "I'll keep you guys updated if we will need to hear from Maura again. Good luck."

"You okay, Maur?" Jane asks. Frost doesn't miss her slip up in calling her by a nickname.

"I'm fine, Jane." Maura answers.

Frost watches as Jane nods and steps forward to button the top button on Maura's white coat. "Okay, let's get out of here," she says before heading towards the exit.

They sneak her out the back to a town car and head out of the city.

When they arrive at the hotel, Jane is more relaxed, but still not herself.

They get to their room to find out it only contains a single, queen sized bed.

At first, Jane thinks that Frost got their room, but when she goes next door, Frost's room is the exact same, just set up in reverse.

"Don't worry about it," Jane tells Maura. "I can sleep on the floor."

"Jane, you can sleep on the bed." Maura disagrees.

"That's not professional, Maura." Jane denies.

"This whole day has been you acting professional. You've barely even looked at me. The least you can do is let me share the bed with you. It's one night." Maura argues.

Jane contemplates it for a minute. She doesn't want to risk her professionalism but she also doesn't want the sore back and poor night's rest from sleeping on the floor. She finally agrees with Maura and chooses the former option.

They go through their nightly routines before getting into bed together. It's strange for Jane at first, but soon it feels like something that's meant to be, but maybe that's just the feeling of having someone next to her in bed.

Once in the comfort of darkness, Maura decides to say what's been bothering her all day. "I'm trying so hard to recall every piece of information from that last five years to help put all these men away. The one's I just gave my testimony for, they were James's cooks."

"Maura we aren't supposed to talk about your testimony." Jane tells her.

"I know, but I just- I want you to know that I'm doing my best to make sure they get what they need to get to Escobar. Maybe when they catch him, Tommy will come home." Maura explains.

She feels Jane's hand move across the bed and tangle with hers finally. She hadn't realized how badly she wanted that all day.

"You don't need to worry about that, Maura." Jane says.

"I do," Maura argues. "If one good thing can come from all of this, all of the things I've done, I hope it's that your brother and people like your brother can get out of the business and better themselves. I've realized just how many lives James and I have ruined-"

"You didn't do anything." Jane interjects.

"I was married to him, you said it yourself that it's just as bad. I want to make it right." Maura says with finality.

"You already are," Jane replies simply. She thinks that's the end of the conversation when she feels Maura's finger swipe over the scar on the back of her hand. She wants so badly to tell Maura where they came from. She knows the blonde wonders every time she sees them. But that's too personal and Jane needs to keep some separation from Maura. She can't develop any more feelings for her.

"You asked me the other day if I regret it," Maura speaks some time later as Jane tries to overcome her desire to tell Maura about her past. "If I regret choosing James over becoming a doctor." She pauses a moment and takes a deep breath.

"I do," she finally admits. "Before I may have regretted it because it was all futile, but now I realize that I threw my life and all my aspirations out the window for a man who I'm beginning to question if I ever loved. I was young and stupid and I ruined my life."

"You didn't ruin your life," Jane argues.

"I did, but maybe this is my second chance and I want to make it a good one," she says.

Maura is the type of person who finds positivity in the most negative situations and that's what Jane finds so intriguing about her.

"We should probably get some rest," Jane says hoping to end all the sentimental conversations. She can't quite handle the feelings Maura is stirring within her especially when they're lying in the same bed together holding hands. She could easily take her hand back, but Maura's ministrations on them are comforting. She also didn't miss Maura's admission that she's questioning her love for James Price. She hates how hopeful it makes her.

"Goodnight, Jane." Maura whispers.

Jane returns the sentiment with a squeeze of her hand and the room falls silent.

Maura seems to fall asleep easily, the day and pregnancy easily wearing her out.

Jane regrets her decision to join Maura in bed when she can't fall asleep without worrying she's going to unconsciously gravitate toward the inviting, warm body next to her. She's having a hard time keeping herself away from Maura while she's awake so she's terrified of what her sleeping body will do. Subconsciouses can be terribly wicked things.

Eventually sleep overcomes her fear of cuddling Maura and she drifts off.

They rise early to catch their plane and luckily they aren't tangled together like Jane had feared.

Jane of course goes back to her professional exterior on the trip back. Maura wonders if it's because Frost is around or if it's because she's technically on the job.

She's thankful for the brief turbulence when Jane unconsciously grabs her hand for a moment. Any period of physical contact is soothing.

When she gets home to her empty apartment she doesn't feel happy to be home. She wants to be back in that hotel room with Jane where she felt safe despite proximal danger.

Whenever she's around, Maura feels safe and loved and that's all she wants and needs.

She needs her sentry at her side.


	11. Of Routines and Jealousy

**Just a short one today. I'll probably upload again in a few days.**

**Thanks for reading**

* * *

A few days later Jane accompanies Maura to the doctor again and they receive another sonogram.

"This one looks a lot more like a baby," Jane laughs once they're in the car on the way home. "Finally the evolution is occurring."

"I'm going to keep it," Maura blurts though her eyes stay trained on the sonogram just like the other times they've got one.

"You're sure?" Jane asks. She's surprised she's decided so soon.

"I've been selfish and I've made so many decisions because they're easier. This time I want to make the right decision despite its difficulty. I want this baby," Maura explains while stroking her still small tummy.

"That's great, Maur. I'll be here every step of the way," Jane promises once again. She smiles briefly at Maura before looking back towards the road. She's actually really happy that Maura has decided to keep the child. She's somehow grown attached to the both of them. "How about we get you and baby a late lunch at The Robber?"

"That sounds nice," Maura smiles.

A normal person would avoid work on their days off, but Korsak and Tracey are wonderful people and the customers at the diner are most often regulars who are kind and friendly.

"Hey Janie and Maura," Korsak greets from behind the counter when they walk in. "Take a seat anywhere you want."

The diner is pretty empty which is understandable since it's between lunch and dinner right now. They take a seat at a booth in the corner, where it's a little more secluded.

"Don't try and order something cheap off the menu again, that baby needs something filling and healthy," Jane comments once they're seated with menus.

"Let me pay today, Jane," Maura replies.

"No, you need to worry about rent and your bills," Jane denies her.

"You always pay," Maura argues. "Just this once."

"Maur, keep your money you've just decided to raise a child," she says without budging.

"You are so stubborn," Maura growls.

"Yes she is," a woman says softly from next to the table. Maura looks up to see the redhead that Jane hugged the other day.

"Lena," Jane says. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom is sick so I picked up another shift here. Family," she chuckles.

"That's nice of you," Jane replies.

"I guess it is, but it's nothing compared to what you do for yours," Lena replies and Maura doesn't miss the small hint of bitterness in her voice.

"So what will it be, girls?" She asks.

They order and Lena heads off to the kitchen, leaving Maura feeling awkward and out of the loop. It doesn't take a degree in rocket science to figure out that the two women have history. She doesn't want to pry though; exes aren't something she should be worried about.

But she is and she admits to herself that she is jealous. Lena is gorgeous and from the sounds of things she's got a good job and Tracey and Korsak are wonderful family. She can offer Jane so much more than Maura can.

"What's wrong?" Jane wonders when Maura is silent for some time.

She exits her head to find Jane peering at her with concern. "I was just thinking," she answers.

"Are you worried about the baby?" Jane asks. Maura has just made a rather huge decision so it would be no surprise if she were distracted by it for some time.

Instead she shakes her head and smiles in assurance. "For once, I'm not worried at all," she admits and she's not. She has Jane and that's all she needs.

They find small conversation to make over lunch and Jane even contributes her own small stories. Maura gets a few bits of Jane's past, mostly just snippets of her life in the academy. She hasn't uncovered anything huge about Jane since Tommy, but the fact that she is actually talking about herself means she's definitely opening up. Maura won't make the mistake of prying again.

Lena appears with the check some time later and the two aren't even aware that they'd been there for almost two hours. The business in the diner is starting to pick up as dinner time approaches.

The ladies head up to the front and Lena rings them out.

"I'm going to use the restroom," Maura tells Jane before heading the ladies room leaving her alone with Lena.

"She's a cutie," Lena comments as she punches in their receipt. "You have a type, Janie. How long have you guys been dating?"

"We aren't dating," Jane replies awkwardly.

"But you want to?' She asks.

"No," Jane answers but she knows it's a lie.

"So who is she?" Lena wonders.

"A friend," Jane says.

"So she won't mind if we have drinks?" Lena asks.

"No, but I might," Jane answers before pulling out money to hand to Lena.

"Come on Janie, come out to drinks with me. You said you wanted to catch up," Lena pleads.

"I do," Jane says just as Maura walks back up.

"Then have some drinks with me?" She begs one last time.

"Fine," Jane gives in. "I'll text you when I'm free."

Maura can't help, but feel a little down from hearing that. She can't have Jane, but she doesn't want anyone else to date her. If that's selfish, she doesn't care. She almost wants to claim her territory, but Jane isn't hers and she knows she wouldn't appreciate that. Not when someone like Lena asked her out.

They head back to Maura's apartment and Jane comes up for their usual hang out. Maura puts on basketball and Jane watches intently while she zones out and thinks about Lena.

She finally snaps out of it when Jane calls her name.

"You alright there? I called your name like five times?" Jane laughs.

"Yeah, I was just… thinking," she replies cryptically.

"That was some heavy thinking and you seem to be doing a lot of that today. What's on your mind?" Jane asks.

She doesn't know what to say so she just tells the truth. It's not like she can lie and she's been caught with her head in the clouds too often for Jane to let it go. She just admits it, "Lena."

"Lena?" Jane wonders.

"I'm sorry I know you don't like to talk about this kind of stuff, but I overhead her asking you on a date," Maura mumbles.

Jane laughs loudly and shakes her head. "We are not going on a date, Maura."

"But you're going out for drinks," Maura replies.

"No I told her we were, but I'm not going to text her. That's her code for I want to sleep with you again," Jane admits. "I just wanted to see how she was doing, but clearly the new job hasn't changed her personality much."

"You've slept with her?" Maura asks. She realizes it's prying a little too late. If she wasn't jealous before she is now. She's happy Jane admitted she wasn't going to text her, but unlike her, Jane can lie. And the fact that Lena has had Jane angers her more than the thought of them going on a date. But it also makes her realize that Lena was an idiot enough to have let Jane go, a mistake Maura knows she would never make if she ever gets the chance.

"We were serious girlfriends for a long time, Maura," Jane reveals. "Like, I almost considered marrying her serious."

"Oh," Maura says. She wasn't expecting that. She wants to ask what happened, but she doesn't want to step on an eggshell. She also doesn't know if she can bare Jane telling her that Lena was the love of her life. _She _wants to be the love of her life.

"I'm not getting back with her," Jane finds herself saying. She doesn't know why she had to add that, but she just did.

"Okay," Maura nods, deciding to believe her. She turns her attention back to the TV. "So who are we rooting for again?"

"The Celtics Maura, this is Boston," Jane replies and just like that, the night is back on track.


	12. Of Bruises and Beatings

**Finals are done and I finally have time to breathe...at least until summer semester starts. Good luck to those still in the midst or just coming up on finals.**

**Going to a music festival this weekend, so you all get this chapter early as promised.**

**TW FOR MENTIONS OF ABUSE!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. Enjoy!**

* * *

Maura will always remember the day when she realized that she could easily fall in love with Jane Rizzoli. And surprisingly, it didn't scare her at all.

She should have known. The jealousy she felt over Lena, and she can finally admit it was jealousy, should have been the first indicator. But she's not skilled in these feelings that Jane is bringing forth.

She thought she knew what love was. She thought she'd experienced it with James and that was all taken away.

Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

And it hurt when James died, but Maura mostly felt fear for her life and what would become of it without him. She hates to admit it, but a part of her felt a bit of relief.

She no longer questions if she regrets her decisions, but now her feelings for the man she once thought was the love of her life are in question.

All these new feelings and all these new questions, they're all because of Jane Rizzoli.

Since Christmas they'd seen each other at least every other day. Jane had easily secured herself not only as Maura's Marshal, but also as her friend. Her first friend, to be exact.

So when Jane had to leave the state for another witness's testimony, well, she was clearly alone again without her other half. She has become attached, terribly so.

Jane's absence caused a noticeable shift in her demeanor. At work, Korsak could tell that Maura wasn't her normally cheery self, so much so that he sent her home early one day under the assumption that she was under the weather.

Maura got extremely worried when Jane's expected two day absence turned into four. She'd tried contacting her, but the Marshal hadn't been answering her calls or messages.

She was scared that she had yet again lost the most important person in her life. But WITSEC would have informed her, right?

Finally she gave into her worries and called Frankie.

He had been surprised to hear from her, as he had only given her his card in case of emergency.

When he had asked what was wrong, she simply said she needed Jane.

An hour later and the brunette is knocking frantically on her door.

She opens it to find Jane panic stricken and visibly bruised.

"Maura, what's wrong?" Jane demands as she steps into the house and starts to examine the blonde for harm. "Is it the baby?"

"Jane," Maura whispers grabbing her and pulling her into an embrace. "I was so worried."

She's confused. Frankie made things seem so urgent and yet the blonde is completely fine. Jane is surprised that all of the worry was actually over her. And that worry continues when Maura grabs her face and inspects the bruises there.

"What happened?" She frowns.

"It's fine, Maura," Jane replies softly.

"Jane, you're black and blue."

Maura wants to cry, especially when Jane responds, "you should see the other guy."

"Please don't say that," Maura snaps immediately, her mind instantly remembering all the times James had said it in jest. Eventually she had stopped hating when he came home bloodied not out of care for him, but out of pure detestation of having to repair a monster so he could just require her to do so again in a week's time. But that tongue in cheek jab had turned into "don't worry I killed him" for Maura. How could she have loved and cared for a man like that?

But Jane, she actually genuinely cares for. Maybe more than she ever cared about James. The brunette surely cares more than he did. And seeing her marred pains her as much as any physical harm could.

"I'm sorry," Jane apologizes. "I'm okay though, really."

"Sit down and let me examine you," Maura commands. Jane tries to fight her, but eventually she listens and takes a seat on the couch. "You got attacked at your witness's testimony?" She asks while staring at Jane's face intently.

Her lip is busted, a scratch above her eye is far deeper than she would like to see unstitched and her eye is practically swollen closed. She knows instantly that her face isn't the only thing that has most likely taken damage.

Jane feels a tad awkward under Maura's gaze, especially when the blonde's face is so close to hers. "No, everything was fine."

"But, you're all beat up," Maura worries. She pulls Jane's hands in hers and notices scabbing and bruising there. At least Jane fought back. She needs to inspect elsewhere just to see how bad it all is. She squats down and moves her hands to the hem of Jane's shirt before stopping herself. "May I?"

"Maura, you don't need to worry about it, I got it all checked out already," Jane promises.

"A real professional you must have went to, they didn't even stitch that cut on your eye," Maura says angrily.

Jane realizes she's caught so she gives in and pulls up her shirt to reveal a canvas of yellows and blues across her abdomen. Maura gasps when she sees this. It's worse than she imagined, but not immediately alarming. The yellowing reveals it's healing already so she can stop worrying about internal bleeding. However, she can't stop her hands from moving forward to lightly feel the battered skin.

Jane shivers at her touch, which is a lot more intimate than Maura realizes. Soft, cool fingers brush against her stomach and it lights a fire along her skin. She wants so badly not to enjoy it as much as she does. She wishes Maura didn't care so much, not when she can easily see herself risking her career for her. Not when a simple touch can make her mind empty of all other thoughts but Maura.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Maura begs. She finally removes her hands from Jane's very toned stomach, and it helps clear Jane's head again. She takes a seat next to her on the couch and begs her to talk with pleading eyes. Jane really doesn't want to answer her, but when she thinks about how worried Maura is she figures the least she can do is tell her.

"Ma, she's really worried about Tommy and- I mean so am I. It's been over two months and we haven't heard a word from him. I got a tip from someone in the DEA and I went to talk to this guy. Well he caught wind of me being a Marshal and got pissed," Jane explains and she watches as Maura's eyes sparkle with tears. She moves closer to her and hugs her. "Don't cry, okay. I'm fine."

"That was really stupid of you," Maura sniffles into Jane's neck.

"I know, I know," Jane replies. "But I gotta find my brother, Maura."

"If you go looking for Tommy alone you could get yourself killed. I was part of that life for so long. I know these guys won't think twice about shooting a woman who's snooping, especially one who is of the law." Maura tells her.

"I'll be careful," Jane promises.

"That's not good enough," Maura shouts. "I can't lose you, Jane."

It's an admission Maura isn't embarrassed by. Jane can't believe how quickly Maura has learned to care about her, but she knows she feels the same way. She knows her feelings for her have grown too large to deny. "You won't lose me," Jane promises. She looks Maura in her eyes as she says it and she tries to convey how much she won't let them take her from her.

The blonde doesn't believe her though. She knows it's dangerous out there and she knows that the men who worked for her husband, the men who now work for Daniel Escobar, they're just as much monsters as Daniel. Jane just doesn't get how much Maura needs her. She almost wants to lean forward and connect their lips so she can make her understand. She loves her. She needs her. And the fear she feels for her right now is what confirms that. "Please, Jane," She begs again.

"Maura, I've got to find him," Jane sighs.

"Why can't you get help," Maura cries. "Why do you have to do this alone?"

"Every second he's out there Maura he's closer to prison or death. I just- I can't let anything happen to him and waiting on other people to help me, that's wasting time," Jane explains. "I've got to be the one that brings him home."

"Why?" Maura asks. She doesn't get why Jane is so stubborn about this. She's being so selfish when she could easily get help. The Marshals work with all kinds of people, FBI, DEA, ICE. Jane isn't alone and yet she's taking the most dangerous route. It has already proven its dangers. She's bruised and cut all over and she wants to go back out there by herself.

"I'm the reason he's out there, Maura," Jane admits, unbelievably.

"How is this your fault?" She can't believe Jane would blame herself for something like this and yet it is exactly what Angela said. And she may not know the whole story, but Maura knows she is more to blame for Tommy's problems than Jane is.

"I'm the one who made my dad leave," Jane blurts. "I'm the one who took away the only person he looked up to. The only person he'd listen to."

"Jane," Maura sighs softly. She scoots closer to her Marshal and tries to get her to look up at her. She wants to kiss her cheeks and whisper that it's not her fault over and over until Jane finally believes it, but then Jane keeps talking.

"I was seven years old when my mother found out she was pregnant again. Frankie was only two. Normally people are excited for children, but we couldn't afford another baby." Jane says and Maura listens raptly.

"We're Catholic so pregnancy automatically means another baby, there is no other option. Anyways my Pop was the only one working and it put food on the table but we were in massive debt. Ma went to work after Tommy was born and I became the one who looked after my brothers. My parents fought a lot, mostly about money. Tommy, he always worshipped my Pop, ya know?" She sighs and Maura takes her battered hands in support.

"My father he was an alcoholic and he had managed to stay sober for almost 20 years. And then one day he traded arguing with Ma for booze again. It worked for a while, but soon he started coming home drunk and started hitting her. I helped cover up the bruises for a while until one day he tried to hit her right in front of me. I saw red and I stood in the way. With as much as Frankie and I would rough house back then, it was easy to tell the school that my black eye and broken nose were from a rough game of basketball. And Frankie was impressed when I told him I'd finally stood up to the school bully, Joey Grant," she laughs and it helps calm the thickness in the air a bit.

"My whole life I'd been sticking up for and taking care of my brothers and then one day I had to do the same for my mom. The next time he attacked me I fought back and I won. But when he left, so did Tommy's hero and he started acting out in school. The first time he ended up in juvie I actually regretted not letting him know it had been Pop who was beating the shit out of me and Ma. I think he just thought maybe if he got in enough trouble Pop would come back or something." She sniffles a little bit.

Maura doesn't know what to do. She's scared that if she makes any movements Jane may stop talking and close back up and she knows she needs to hear this if she wants to be able to help Jane. She decides to keep listening, but she keeps Jane's hand in hers and keeps it warm with comfort. She wants to do more, but Jane is a very difficult person to read.

"I tried so damn hard to get him back on track and I tried to fill the hole my Pop left. I had to get a job to help pay the bills and we almost lost the house. Nothing worked with him though and I finally gave up hope. Ma was always on my back about it and I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave up my hopes of affording college and decided I wanted to be a police officer. I got into the academy at nineteen. I worked two jobs while trying to become an officer so I could still help support my Ma. Tommy hated me even more for joining the other side." She stops a moment to wipe her tears with her free hand and collects herself. "I just couldn't do anything right with him."

"I still regret moving out when I made the force. Tommy got more out of control and I was playing house with Lena. He dropped out of school at sixteen and took off one day. Ma was distraught. She blamed me for not being around to watch him. He's been in and out of trouble ever since. Six months later Frankie graduated and went off to college. I thought I'd at least done right by one of my brothers until he graduated and came to work for the Marshals. Ma of course blamed me for that too," she admits.

Maura can sense the theme. Jane had been forced to give up her childhood to help care for her brothers. She feels completely responsible for the trouble Tommy is in when it's not her fault at all. She's also realizing the Jane is her contrast. Where she made the easier decisions in life, Jane took the more difficult ones. She was selfish and Jane was selfless. And yet neither road was more satisfying and both are equally haunting.

"You're not to blame for the choices your brothers made," Maura finally speaks up.

"I raised them," Jane excuses.

"And you shouldn't have had to, Jane. You were only seven and responsible for two kids. A child is not equipped to raise a child," Maura tells her.

"If I hadn't come out my dad wouldn't have left, if I hadn't become a cop Tommy wouldn't hate me so much, if I hadn't moved out to be with a girl whom he was disgusted by me dating-"

"Jane, you can't blame the fact that you were trying to be yourself on your brother's poor choices," Maura interrupts her.

"I arrested him once," Jane admits. "Ma still hates me for that. I just thought if he spent a few nights in jail he could realize he needed to change his ways."

"You were trying to help," Maura says.

"It wasn't enough," Jane cries. To see her so broken destroys Maura. She did all she could to help both of her brothers and all she feels is guilt for something she couldn't control. "If something happens to him, my Ma is gonna hate me."

"She would never hate you, Jane." Maura promises. "She loves you and all she wants is for you to be happy. And Frankie, I can tell he admires you, Jane. And I care so much about you too. We will always be here for you."

Jane leans into her and Maura wraps her arms around her. Tonight the roles are reversed and she's in charge of comforting Jane. She runs her fingers through dark tresses and tries to calm her crying.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be putting this all on you," Jane eventually sniffles into Maura's shoulder.

"I'm glad you have," Maura responds sincerely. "I want to be here for you as much as you are for me."

"You are," Jane tells her.

"Yeah? Can you tell me about Tommy? I mean aside from the bad stuff, what's he like?" Maura wonders in hopes that talking about the good will help Jane feel better. It's a trick she learned to use in order to cope while living with Jimmy.

Soon Jane's head ends up in her lap as she tells her about all the trouble her and her brothers got into as kids. It's odd how comforting it is for the both of them as Jane finally starts sharing more about herself.

Maura giggles along as Jane describes all their antics, while occasionally running her hands through Jane's hair. She feels like a couple when they sit like this, and the fact that Jane doesn't seem to mind makes it even more comfortable.

"He was probably smarter than Frankie and I combined," Jane says after another anecdote. "I just really wish he had lived up to his potential."

"Maybe he'll get a second chance like me," Maura says and Jane looks her in the eyes at that.

She reaches down and takes Maura's hand in hers and smiles. "Maybe he will."

"Promise me you won't go back out there alone?" Maura pleads once again. "I will fix any bruise or scrape or cut I can, but I can't stand seeing you hurt."

Jane finally realizes she's no better than James, showing up beaten and relying on Maura to fix her. But Maura's done more reparations emotionally than she has done physically to her tonight. She pulls Maura's hand to her lips and seals her agreement with a kiss to silky skin. "I'll call my friend in the FBI tomorrow."

Maura feels her heart leap out of her chest. She doesn't know how much longer she can keep herself from confessing her feelings for Jane. But she doesn't want to ruin what they have and she definitely doesn't want to risk losing Jane as her Marshal. She vows to keep it to herself a little longer, hoping that Jane might be the one to make the first move.

Jane finally looks at her watch and realizes it is well past midnight. She lifts her head from Maura's lap to both their displeasure. "I think I should probably go. You need to get some rest."

"Do you work tomorrow?" Maura wonders.

"No, Cavanaugh doesn't want me working with witnesses looking like a poorly trained boxer," Jane answers.

"Will you stay here tonight?" Maura asks.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jane says skeptically.

"It's late, Jane," Maura argues. "Stay here or let me take you home. I don't want you to drive home like this."

Jane sighs as she nods her head.

Maura cheers internally before getting up and pulling Jane up with her. Jane immediately starts to protest. "I'm not sleeping in your bed."

"Jane the couch is way too uncomfortable and you're all beat up," Maura argues. "I promise I won't do anything to you in your sleep. At least I'll try not to."

"Maura!" Jane shouts, her cheeks flushing red.

"Come on, I've got an extra toothbrush for you too," she says as she pulls Jane towards the bathroom.

Soon they're lying in bed together for the second time in the span of their short friendship and Jane can't say she particularly doesn't want it to happen again. The woman who should be her enemy is turning into her light in the darkness and she's beginning to realize she may just be falling for her

"Thank you," she whispers to Maura.

Maura doesn't respond immediately, but instead slides her hand into Jane's and links their fingers. With that comfort, they fall asleep easily in the warmth of each other.


	13. Of Healing and Inhibition

**All the reviews were lovely, thank you so much. I have heard them loud and clear :)**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

When her mind enters consciousness, things automatically feel warmer and more inviting, and Maura doesn't readily understand why.

The tiny apartment and her sterile bed feel more like home this morning and she doesn't want to open her eyes and exit the bliss. She never thought she'd ever feel at home again.

She's telling her brain to shut back down, to go back to sleep and bring her back into peace and safety just for five more minutes.

And then something moves beside her and she cracks an eye open immediately.

Jane.

Messy brown curls cover half of the Marshal's face, which isn't far from her own. She takes the time given to her to get a better look at Jane.

Even despite the bruising, Jane is beautiful. She's probably the most beautiful woman Maura has ever seen, especially now that her face is relaxed and unhaunted.

All of her usual hints of pain and distress are gone and Maura admires her. She hides her problems so well, but now that she's seen her untroubled face, it's obvious.

She's strong, but not strong enough to handle all of her pain alone. She wishes Jane would realize that.

She feels something twitch and looks down to see their hands are still tangled.

She smiles at that before looking back up towards Jane's face to find her eyes open.

"Good morning," Jane says softly. Her voice is raspy and laced with sleep and it's the most beautiful sound Maura has heard. She wishes she could hear it every morning.

"Good morning," Maura parrots.

They stare intently at each other, chocolate orbs locked on green ones. Neither makes a move from their position and neither wants to.

Finally Jane decides to break their quiet staring contest. "Do you not have to work today?"

Maura shakes her head no and smiles.

Jane can't help but think she's gotten lucky enough to wake up next to the blonde with the promise that the whole day could be theirs. "Do you want to get some breakfast?"

Maura shakes her head again and Jane frowns. "I'm going to make breakfast."

"You want to make breakfast?" Jane questions, her brow rising accordingly.

"I do," Maura shrugs.

"Then by all means Chef Isles," Jane teases.

Maura makes no move to get up and instead lifts her and Jane's linked hands and begins to play with her fingers. "I don't feel like getting up yet."

Jane thinks it's oddly couple-y, the way they're acting. She knows she shouldn't proceed, but her heart and her mind are on two completely separate wavelengths. She doesn't feel like getting up either, not when her hand is tingling with warmth and Maura is right beside her. She's often finding herself in awe of Maura, especially now, when her face is a breath away from hers and her teeth are bared in a content smile. She can't believe someone as beautiful and light as Maura could have ever been with a man like James.

A man like him, who forced her away from all her potential and used her as a prop. A man, who stuck Maura's beauty and charm at the front of his empire to serve as a distraction to hide his criminal activity. He wasted everything about Maura and the only good he'd ever done was give her that number for the DEA. He saved her life and that's the only thanks Jane would ever think of extending to him. But even still, she can't grasp how Maura had ever allowed herself to become trapped by him.

Maura finally looks up and catches Jane frowning. She stops her movements. "Is something wrong?"

Jane exits her thoughts and finds Maura's eyes boring into her once briefly absent ones. "I need to ask you something," Jane replies seriously, and their once playful moods are stripped from the air.

"Okay," Maura responds unsurely.

"How did you end up with a man like James Price? I mean Maura you're so…you, and James, well he was…" she trails off not quite knowing how to describe him.

"A monster," Maura finishes.

Jane nods and Maura sighs softly.

"There was a point in time when he was just a freshman chemistry student and not some murderous, drug lord." Maura notes sadly.

"I was his TA and I refused to give him the time of day. At first I'd thought he was trying to get me to give him better grades, but then I'd noticed he had the highest marks in the class. And when the semester ended he kept trying. Eventually he wore me down and I said yes and well it went on from there," Maura explains.

"He was charming and caring at first, even through the first year of our marriage. I mean he could be so selfish too and I knew that, but at the time, well you overlook flaws when you think you love someone." Maura clenches her eyes closed and lets out a deep breath before shaking her head. "He changed, Jane."

"Were you scared to leave?" Jane wonders aloud.

"I hate to admit that a part of me was. I try to tell myself that deep down he was a good man and he would never hurt me, but he became unpredictable," she replies before distracting herself with Jane's hand again. "I've learned that there are different kinds of love and a part of me still thinks I had love for him, but I'm realizing now I was never _in_ love with him."

Jane wonders if maybe she's the reason Maura is discovering she didn't love James. She hates how badly she hopes that Maura is falling for her, because she thinks she's already fallen for Maura. And she knows when she's alone again, she'll scold herself and tell herself all of the negative outcomes that would happen if she does what her heart has been telling her to do. She'll make up new rules to break in the presence of the blonde, whom she can't stay away from.

Don't touch Maura will be obliterated by a hand hold which will be overstepped by a kiss to said hand, just as it was done last night.

She'll find herself easily saying no and then the blonde will enter her mind with a haunting yes. It's an upward battle and she's losing it terribly.

"I'm going to start breakfast," Maura finally says before getting up and leaving Jane behind in bed.

As soon as she leaves, Jane is met with a cold she never wants to face again. She follows Maura along into the kitchen and tells her she wants to help. She knows deep down that she really just doesn't want to give up contact with the blonde.

The small space of the kitchen works as a perfect excuse for something as simple as touching elbows and bumping shoulders. And that will have to be enough, because Jane knows if she's left too long without the heat Maura provides, her body may seek the warmth of Maura's lips. She can't allow herself to give into that desire just yet, but she knows very soon she will and when she does, she wants to be able to say she genuinely tried to fight it.

Soon they're sitting at the table eating honey wheat pancakes and Jane wishes they had picked the couch so she could sit closer to Maura. She manages to quell all desires to touch her, but it's admittedly hard work.

"Did you have plans today?" Jane wonders. They've spent so much time indoors together and Jane wants to take her out. It might seem late, but she finds herself wanting to show Maura some of her favorite parts of the city.

"Actually I was planning of going downtown for an art installation I read about in the paper, but if that's not something you'd enjoy we could do something different," Maura suggests.

Of course Maura is willing to change her plans to accommodate her, just so they can spend the day together. "I'd actually really like to join you at the installation, but we will have to stop at my apartment so I can put on something a little more appropriate and so I can try to hide all this," she says as she gestures to her face.

"We can do that," Maura agrees.

"Great, and afterwards I can show you around historic Boston a bit," Jane suggests.

"I'd love that," Maura smiles in response and Jane again must quell the urge to reach out for some form of physical contact.

* * *

Maura wondered if she'd ever get to see Jane's apartment and now she's standing in it and looking around expectantly.

"It's not much," Jane says from behind her, "but it is home."

It's nothing austere or extraordinary, but maybe that's what makes it so Jane. It's comfortable and relaxed, yet still decorated to taste.

"You have a lovely home, Jane," Maura says and it's enough because Jane knows she can't lie.

"Well, make yourself at home while I change. I have a little bit better of a cable package than you even though I'm rarely here. If you want something, the kitchen and anything in it is at your disposal and if you need anything, I'll be in the first room in the hall," Jane tells her before heading toward her bedroom.

As soon as Jane is gone, Maura finds herself drawn to her small fireplace and the mantle above it that's covered in family photos. She studies them intently and tries to imagine the days on which they were captured.

One of her favorites in particular features Jane and her two brothers piled up on a couch in matching Christmas pajamas. Jane is holding who she assumes is Tommy and smiling larger than she's ever seen her smile.

It's probably the happiest of the bunch.

As the Rizzoli's get older the pictures from their lives wane.

She ends on the only one that must be less than five years old and she finally sees what Tommy must look like today.

"That was the last picture the three of us took together," Jane says from behind her causing her to jump. "Sorry," Jane laughs as she grabs her shoulders to help steady her.

"You scared me," Maura gasps.

"Yeah, I've always been pretty stealthy," Jane replies. She releases Maura's shoulders and focuses her attention back on the picture. "He had just gotten out of jail and he was finally doing good and sobering. I let him stay on Lena and I's couch and well that was a mistake."

"I'm sorry," Maura says softly.

Jane just pushes the picture down and shrugs. "Don't be," she says before walking off towards the kitchen.

Maura picks the picture back up before following her to find her putting a bag of peas on her eye. "It's a little late for that," Maura laughs.

"I just hoped it would let the swelling go down a bit so I don't scare so many people away," Jane sighs. "Maybe it isn't a good idea for me to go."

"Come on," Maura pulls at her hand. "Show me to your bathroom."

Jane reluctantly does as she's told and takes her through her room to her en suite bathroom.

"Sit," Maura commands, pointing to the toilet and Jane surprisingly does as she's told. "First aid kit?" Maura asks.

"Under the sink, but if the peas were a little late I think first aid is even later, Maur," Jane tells her.

She doesn't listen, but instead goes under the sink to fetch the kit. She opens it to find it virtually empty and tsks multiple times. Luckily she's able to find a few things she needs. "Do you have alcohol?" Jane points to a bottle on the sink.

Next thing she knows, Maura is standing in front of her. "Look at me," Maura says softly and Jane raises her head to look Maura in the eye. "I should have done this last night," she scolds herself before inspecting Jane's face.

Jane can't help but watch her green eyes flicker over her face. Seconds later a cold cotton ball is placed by her eye and then she's met with an intense burning.

"Ah, Maura you couldn't warn me?" She shouts in pain.

"Sorry," Maura says sincerely before gently dabbing the cut. "I got a little careless after a while when I did this for Jimmy."

"Careless or spiteful?" Jane wonders.

"Little of both," Maura hums. "Shh, I'm trying to work."

Jane chuckles and then quiets as Maura tries to save her irreparable face. She watches as the blonde works with intense concentration and when a pink tongue pokes out from between her lips she gulps as her eyes instantly dart to them. She hopes it's not a coincidence when Maura's instantly land on her lips and then she's dabbing the split there.

"Concealer?" Maura wonders after she's done cleaning Jane's wounds.

Jane points to a make-up bag and Maura pulls it towards her on the counter. She pulls out something from the first aid kit and huffs out a breath of air. "Not putting butterfly stitches on that cut was just careless, Jane."

"I'm sorry I'm not a doctor, Maura," Jane argues lightly.

"Owe," she growls when Maura presses one to her face a little too harshly.

Maura leans forward and kisses just above the bandage, she lingers as she whispers "sorry," and pulls back to find Jane staring at her. She sees something in those brown eyes, but she can't quite place the emotion behind them so she decides to keep up her work.

Jane just sits quietly in awe. Maura just kissed her and left her speechless. She can't imagine what would happen if she ever got to taste Maura's lips.

She might just die.

Maura dabs on make-up and gets to work on concealing Jane's bruises. "When we get back I'll have to clean your cuts again just to make sure this stuff doesn't get in your wounds," she says absently as she paints the black and blue over with fair ivory.

"I think I can do that myself, Maura," Jane argues.

"Maybe," she hums. "Okay, wait here," she says before taking off out of the room. Jane can see Maura enter her closet through the bathroom entrance. She can't help but realize how strange the blonde can be from time to time, but she knows she likes it.

About a minute later Maura emerges with a scarf and hat. She places them on Jane's head and neck and smiles in triumph. "Perfect," she whispers before she pulls Jane up towards the mirror.

It's better than she imagined it would be. The dark colors of her marred skin are still slightly visible and of course the butterfly stitch can't really be hidden, but it is miles better than before.

"Just as gorgeous as ever," Maura whispers from behind her, the smile on her face evident in the mirror.

She blushes at Maura's compliment and clears her throat awkwardly. "Are you ready to go?" She asks softly, earning a nod from Maura before they head downtown.

Jane isn't even surprised at how much Maura knows about art. Nothing about Maura has come to shock her anymore as she's learned to expect the unexpected with her.

She feels like she belongs when she parades around the gallery arm in arm with Maura as she gives her insight on even the oddest pieces. Little facts just roll off Maura's tongue like she's reading from a script, but knowing it's all stored in that large brain of Maura's is even better.

Her intellect doesn't stop there when Jane's tour through Boston turns into Maura's tour through Boston. Jane just navigates them through downtown with Maura's arm secured in hers as she barrages her with the facts and history of Boston.

They end at the North Church where Maura informs her that it was actually William Dawes who warned the residents of Boston that the British were coming and not Paul Revere.

Her cheeks hurt by the end of the day from how much Maura has made her smile. She wishes she could spend every day like this with Maura. She's a breath of fresh air in Jane's clouded life.

She doesn't want this day to end so when they're back in the car, she heads back towards her apartment. Maura doesn't even question her, as she is happy to accept any amount of time she is given to spend with Jane.

They soon find themselves sitting side by side on Jane's couch watching a movie and waiting on delivery of Italian food.

Jane doesn't pay too much attention to the movie when she finds Maura to be more interesting. She wonders if Maura realizes she's starting to show. She's filling out and yet Jane knows she's becoming even more beautiful.

She watches Maura's hands on her stomach, cradling the child growing within, her instinct growing along with her stomach. She just knows that Maura will do well.

"You're staring," Maura whispers without looking at Jane.

She blushes. Is she that obvious? "Sorry," she replies before glancing back towards the TV.

"Don't be," Maura says through a smile and just like that Jane's eyes are back on her.

She can't understand how Maura could be everything she never knew she wanted. She doesn't know how she has fallen so easily for her. And then she realizes that maybe they were meant to meet and maybe that excuses everything. Maybe that would make all the risks of giving in to her feelings for Maura worth it.

Because in the end, it was inevitable.

When Maura takes her hand again she watches as the blonde runs her fingers along her scar. She can tell she wants to know. Maura is always inquisitive and Jane knows she has learned to filter herself because of her. She doesn't ask so many questions now and Jane feels bad for silencing her. Now she wants to tell her everything.

"You want to know how they happened," Jane states rather than questions.

Maura removes her eyes from the TV and looks at the scar before looking Jane in her eyes. "I do, but I don't want to force you to tell me," Maura responds honestly.

"I want to tell you," Jane says softly. "It was right before I left the beat. I was helping the Marshals and the FBI on a case looking for this missing girl. A witness had been cellmate's with the man we thought was responsible for the kidnappings and he was brought in to help. It was growing out of hand, four women had gone missing across the country and then a 16-year-old went missing here all under the same M.O."

She closes her eyes a moment to collect herself as Maura runs her thumb across her palm. When she opens her eyes she locks them with curious, green ones and finds the strength to continue.

"I ended up being the only person the witness would talk to. He had this weird obsession with me and then it turned out that he was actually the one responsible for the missing girls. He drugged me and took me back to this abandoned building and-" she stops to let out a breath.

Maura scoots closer to her until their bodies are touching completely and surprisingly it works to calm any hesitancy Jane has about revealing everything. She thinks her scars are the most damning things about her. She hates to be pitied and yet she receives those looks every day when people see her scars. But telling the story of how they occurred brings even more pity and yet Maura's face shows no sign of the emotion. No, Jane sees something else in her eyes. Something that makes her very aware that she should tread lightly.

"The girl was there and she was still alive. I woke up and she was crying in the corner and I tried to get to her, but I was trapped. It's when I felt it, this pain in my hands, it was excruciating." She looks down at the scars as she recalls how they got there and frowns until Maura lifts her chin up and forces her to look at her.

"You don't have to keep going, Jane," Maura says and Jane shakes her head in protest. Maura is the first person she has ever _wanted _to tell.

"I realized he pinned me to the floor by my hands and the little girl, she kept crying. I heard him coming and I just- I entered this weird state of mind and I just yanked and I freed myself. I still had the nails in my hands when I overcame him and then I don't remember much, but I woke up in the hospital and people wanted interviews. My Ma framed this news article talking about me, and the FBI and the Marshals were both praising and offering me positions. Apparently I had knocked him out and called for backup. I managed to keep the girl calm until help arrived and I don't remember any of it," Jane finishes.

"Under instances of extreme fear and stress adrenaline kicks in and the body can do remarkable things," Maura explains. "You're a hero."

"I don't feel like one," Jane admits.

"You saved that girl," Maura states simply. "You saved me," She adds. She pulls Jane's hand up to her mouth and kisses the scar there, her eyes never leaving Jane's as she does so.

They get so lost in each other that neither realizes how close they've drifted towards one another.

Jane feels the desire to kiss Maura bubbling up inside her once again as their breaths mingle in the slim space between them. She finds herself asking what has been bothering her since they sat down.

"Do you believe in fate?" She blurts, trying so hard to keep her eyes away from Maura's very close and very kissable lips. She knows the limited space between them and the burning desire she has growing inside her are a very dangerous combination. She _will_ kiss Maura Isles if she doesn't control herself. She tries to do what she always does, keep talking. Stall until the food gets here and then she'll have saved herself once again.

"No," Maura states simply. "I believe there is a scientific explanation for everything."

"You don't think that maybe everything happens for a reason?" Jane wonders.

Maura looks at her skeptically a moment before shaking her head. "Everything happens for a scientific reason, yes. An object falls towards the Earth because of gravity. And for the longest time we thought that was just so. Now we know why through scientific reason and fact. Anything that that seems inexplicable, we chalk up to unknown forces like fate and divine intervention. But if you believe everything happens for a reason, I believe _that_ reason has a multitude of scientific explanations."

"Maura," Jane chuckles. She asked a simple question and the woman is turning it into some theoretic debate. All she wants to know is if something has brought her and Maura together. "What about choice? Do you think choices can help determine our fate?"

"Choices are made based on a magnitude of emotions and analyses. There is a clear outline of consequence that can be drawn back to our choices, but again I don't think there is some higher power at work. I think-" she pauses and studies Jane for a moment before it dawns on her. "You want to know if we were supposed to meet," Maura realizes aloud.

"I just think, maybe if we had chosen BCU instead of everything else, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. None of this mess would have happened. And maybe we'd have met under different circumstances. Then I could-" she stops and doesn't continue. She shakes her head in an attempt to rid herself of the strong desire to kiss Maura Isles. If she does it, there is no going back. She keeps her head down, avoiding green eyes filled with adoration and curiosity.

But of course Maura can't end the conversation there. Inquiry strikes again and she needs to know what Jane has to say. "Then you could, what?" She asks.

"Don't worry about it." She got herself into hot water and now she's just praying the doorbell will ring and end the conversation.

Maura can't leave it alone, though. She releases Jane's hand and places her finger under Jane's chin, urging her to look at her. "Tell me, please?" She begs softly.

Eyes lock one final time and then it's over. Jane closes the limited space between them and covers Maura's lips with her own.

The taste, the warmth, the soft and suppleness. It is all so much greater than she imagined, especially when Maura wastes no time in kissing back like it's second nature. It feels right and practiced.

She tangles one hand in Maura's hair and wraps the other arm around her slim waist. She holds her close and firmly.

She's gentle in every brush of the nose and every movement of her lips. She does her best to convey every feeling she's ever felt for her, because she knows when her head is clear, this could be the one and only time she ever gets to feel her.

It stays warm and soft and Maura can't help but think it's nothing like kissing James, in the best way possible.

And then, the doorbell rings.

Terrible timing.

Jane pulls back and watches green eyes flutter open before she's met with a tiny grin. One that tells her that Maura enjoyed it as much as she had.

She's done it and she doesn't regret it.

At least not until Maura is no longer in her space and then the cold hits and so does the realization that she's just crossed a line she cannot uncross.

And when they're sitting down again with food, Jane keeps the space between them vast so she can breathe and think.

She knows she screwed up, but she doesn't want to admit it. Especially when Maura looks so down now that Jane isn't talking.

She wants to say that now that she's got it out of her system, she can control herself. But Maura is a poison that Jane can't really find a remedy to. And the worst part is, she doesn't want to.

"I'm sorry," Jane finally blurts out into the tense silence. "I shouldn't have done that."

Maura looks over at her and nods. "I understand. It was a mistake."

She can see and hear how hurt Maura seems and it tugs at her heart until she's closing the space between them and shaking her head repeatedly. She wants to grab Maura's hands but she can't allow that. She can't allow the touch of hands because she knows that buzz she always feels when Maura touches her will cloud her head again.

"It wasn't a mistake, Maura," Jane promises. "God, I just wish things were different. I can't- we can't do this."

When Maura still doesn't look at her, she berates herself for being so stupid. "Maura please look at me," she begs.

Maura finally lifts her head and Jane can't bear the sadness she sees in her green eyes.

"Maura, you're smart, captivating and beautiful and for so many reasons I can't stay away from you," Jane finds herself admitting. When Maura's eyes brighten just a little bit, she feels a little better. "But I could lose my job, I can't-" she pauses to swallow a gulp of air. She's never been so confused in her life. Maura is everything she never knew she wanted and she's everything she _can't _have.

"I don't want to risk your job," Maura whispers and Jane can see it's hurting her just as much as it's hurting her. What are you supposed to do when you want to be with someone, but it goes against every moral code? "Can you take me home, please?" Maura asks and it stings right in the center of Jane's chest.

"Yeah," Jane replies softly, swallowing down the sourness she feels in the back of her throat. She doesn't want to take Maura home. She wants to wrap her in her arms and kiss her again. She wants to share a bed with her once again and kiss her to sleep. She wants to hold her, because that's what feels right.

Instead she gets up.

She pulls on a jacket and even helps Maura bundle up, making sure she's extra warm in the bitter Boston cold. She cares so deeply for Maura and her child. Why did she have to fall for the one person she can't have? Her job, and Maura's connection to Price and Tommy, it's all too wrong.

But then why does it feel _so_ right?

A quiet car ride ensues before she drops Maura off and watches her enter her apartment from the car before driving away.

And then she feels more regret than she did after she kissed Maura. No, that felt right and _this_ feels wrong.

It makes her want to risk everything, because Maura very much could be the one. She's never, ever felt this way for someone before.

She doesn't realize she has somehow turned the car around until she's back at Maura's apartment.

She doesn't get out of autopilot until she's in front of Maura's door, knocking lightly, but frantically.

Her heart doesn't exit her throat until she sees Maura standing before her in pajamas looking mentally exhausted.

And then she steps inside, closes the door behind her, takes Maura's face in her hands and kisses her with everything she has.

She can't believe how much she's missed the warmth of Maura's lips in the brief time since she last tasted them. But it's addicting. There was never any way she could stay away.

Lips battle for long minutes until both of them pull away breathlessly.

Jane keeps her palms against Maura's cheeks, thumbs stroking them every so often. She leans her forehead against Maura's and smiles the greatest smile she's ever smiled. She wants to do this. She wants Maura, no matter what. She can't give her up.

"I want to take you on a date," Jane whispers and when Maura's face opens up in a wide grin she's taking her lips in her own again. And then her mind is clouded again by their taste and softness and just everything Maura. "Sorry, I got distracted," she whispers against pink lips before pecking them once, twice and pulling away completely. She needs a little bit of space or she may end up kissing Maura all night.

"But your job," Maura says.

"We will figure out a way, Maura," Jane promises her.

Then Maura looks at her stomach and frowns. "I'm pregnant," she notes.

"Yeah, you are," Jane laughs before stepping forward and taking Maura's hands. "I wouldn't be the first lesbian raising a child that isn't genetically hers," Jane says honestly. She wants this and she doesn't care about anything else. She won't let trivialities get in the way.

"You want to take me on a date?" Maura asks unbelievably. "Why?"

She draws Maura's eyes to her own and then she smiles. "I can't stay away from you, Maura and I don't want to. I want this," she promises. "Will you let me take you on a date?"

Maura nods and smiles, and Jane leans in again. This time when she's a breath away from Maura's lips she stops. "May I?" she asks.

When Maura nods, she wraps her arms around her shoulders and holds her securely as she kisses her one last time. She reluctantly pulls away. "I should probably go," she says but doesn't make any movements to let go of Maura.

Maura licks her lips and nods again, uncharacteristically rendered speechless.

Jane doesn't miss her tongue poking out and she almost can't restrain herself from capturing the blonde's lips again. "I'll uh- pick you up tomorrow night," she says awkwardly. She hasn't been on a first date in years so she sounds a little rusty. "Is that too soon? I just don't know if I can wait that long," she admits and Maura laughs.

"Sounds perfect, Jane," Maura promises her and Jane smiles proudly.

"Okay, tomorrow at six," Jane confirms before backing away towards the door.

"Okay," Maura replies giddily. "See you tomorrow."

"Take care, Maura," Jane says before stepping back out into the cool refreshing air.

She's got a date with Maura Isles, and she is the happiest she's ever felt.

Maura grins until she falls asleep, dreaming of the lanky brunette.


	14. Of Gestures and Bliss

**Sorry this took a while, I've just started summer semester and I have been super busy and frazzled. **

**Thanks so much for reading and for the reviews, you all are the best.**

* * *

She's incredibly nervous. It's 5:45pm and she's sitting outside of Maura's apartment trying to build up the nerve to go upstairs.

She doesn't know why she's so scared, but maybe it's the feeling that this date could be the beginning of something amazing. The pressure is strong.

She sighs a deep breath before turning off the ignition and getting out of the car. She flattens the dark peacoat she has on, fixes her curly mane under her hat and begins to take the first steps towards Maura's apartment.

And then she pauses again, right outside Maura's door.

She gives herself a pep talk. She's got this. It's just a first date with the woman who has been charming her for weeks. They've already kissed so no pressure right?

Then why does she feel like her heart is in her stomach?

Another deep breath.

A bend of the wrist and three knocks, then ringing in her ears.

Seconds feel like minutes and then Maura is in front of her and she looks flawless.

Honey blonde hair lies in perfect curls against a red coat and a grey cashmere scarf.

Gorgeous.

"You look- wow, Maura," Jane breathes. "I mean you always look amazing, but wow." She's at a loss for words.

"You look beautiful too, Jane," Maura answers, a lot more put together.

Jane finds herself stepping closer to the blonde until they're only inches apart. She lifts her hands and buttons Maura's coat up. "This is warm right? We are going to be outside and I want you to feel comfortable," Jane worries.

"It's fine," Maura promises, her voice a tad shaky from the proximity of Jane.

"Are you ready?" Jane asks nervously. She can't quite say she is. She wants so badly to impress Maura and she's worried her plans aren't adequate. She doesn't know why she only gave herself a day to plan a first date for a woman like Maura. She deserves flowers and romantic gestures, but so much more than that because she doesn't deserve cliché.

Maura flashes that megawatt smile and then they're on their way.

Jane takes her to dinner first. Luckily she managed to get a reservation at a quality restaurant right on the corner of the Common.

It fits in perfectly with her plans for the night.

She hates dinner dates. They're overdone. She would have rather cooked for Maura, but the park is a large part of her date plans and so she decided on going out for dinner instead, especially when they already spend so much time indoors.

Maura deserves to be shown off to the world and Jane wants to show her off.

Dinner goes well. She worries that maybe things will be awkward or things may seem forced. Maybe it's a testament that things were meant to be, but conversation never stalls.

They share dessert and then fight over the check, which of course Jane wins.

Maura hates yet loves how stubborn Jane is. One day she wants to pick up the tab, but Jane is always so adamant about paying. She's kind and caring and possibly the sweetest person Maura has ever met and that's probably why she's fallen for her.

It's unexpected for Maura when instead of walking back to the car, they cross the street to the park.

"How good are you at ice skating?" Jane wonders when they stop in front of an outdoor rink.

"I've never been," Maura admits.

"Okay, we'll take it slow. I won't let you fall," Jane promises before grabbing Maura's hand.

She doesn't let it go the entire time they're on the rink. She holds on tight and keeps Maura upright until she finds her balance and gets the hang of it, but even then she remains tethered to Maura.

"You're a natural," Jane laughs once Maura isn't so wobbly.

"I lied, I was a professional ice skater at one point in time," Maura jokes.

Jane laughs and squeezes her hand. "I would not be surprised."

"Believe it or not, this is already the best date I've ever been on," Maura says.

"Oh, I doubt that," Jane replies. She was married to someone with a hell of a lot more money than Jane. There is no doubt that James could have given her so much more than dinner and ice skating.

"No, I mean it," Maura promises. "I don't want it to end."

Jane remembers that Maura can't lie and the sincerity in which she says it confirms it. She internally pats herself on the back. How she managed to outdo someone with all the money and means in the world to impress a woman like Maura baffles her. But then she remembers that money doesn't buy happiness and money doesn't buy Maura.

Money never seemed to make Maura happy and maybe that's why James couldn't ever make Maura happy. Being rich was never satisfying, especially because that money came with a price. She thought she had it all, but it all seems like nothing now that she's met Jane.

With James it was all convenience and settling. With Jane it's chemistry and feeling and desire and that's worth everything.

She finds similarities between them. He was there when she needed someone, just as Jane is. But he was so ready to love her that she never had to work for it. If he hadn't pursued her, nothing would have come from it.

But Jane is like a magnet. There is a pull between them and she couldn't stop herself from feeling something for her. She couldn't stop herself from wanting more.

It doesn't seem forced like it ultimately was with James.

It seems right.

"Good thing it's not over then," Jane comments as they walk off the rink and return their skates.

Even when off frictionless ground, Jane keeps Maura's hand securely in her own as they walk through the park. It's quiet and calm in the empty night.

"I used to come here to think a lot," Jane admits as they walk around slowly and take in the scenery.

"It's peaceful," Maura comments.

Jane swings their hands between them and smiles. "It would always help me clear my head. The Common just kind of became my place. It's not some big secret, you know? It's one of the most popular sites in Boston. It's like our Central Park, but it could always cheer me up, especially at night when it's just empty like this."

"Thank you for bringing me, Jane," Maura says sincerely.

Jane nods and keeps leading them through the park. "I think you're the first person I told that to. I don't usually bring people to my happy place," she admits. "I think you make it happier, though."

Maura smiles and a shiver runs over her when she hears Jane admit that.

Jane stops immediately when she feels it, and turns to her. "You're cold," she notes before taking her hat off and placing it gently over Maura's head. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea to do in seven degree weather."

Maura grabs Jane's hands on their way down from her head and she pulls her closer. "I'm not cold, Jane," Maura promises. She can't believe how much care Jane takes with her sometimes. Every simple gesture Jane makes has her falling for her even more.

Jane's eyes flicker down to Maura's lips and that's all she needs to see before she steps forward and captures them in a warm kiss. It's the first one Maura has initiated and she loves being in control. Hands remain laced at their sides as she slides her lips against Jane's and sways them gently.

"I'm sorry," she says as she pulls back. "I just had to do that."

"I'm not complaining," Jane chuckles. She kisses Maura's cheek, releases one of her hands and turns them around. "We should go back though, I really don't want you catching a cold on our first date."

"Will there be a second date?" Maura asks and earns a small laugh from Jane.

"I think that can be arranged," Jane says.

Maura doesn't want this date to end, but with the promise of another one, she knows it has to. She wasn't lying when she said it was the best date she's ever been on. Jane is extremely romantic and gentlewomanly. She's everything Maura never expected to want in her life. Someone who genuinely cares for her with romantic gestures to prove it.

But that's not all Jane is. She's beautiful and strong and selfless. She's sarcastic and stubborn and funny. She's kind and loving.

She's Maura's sentry.

And when they pull up to Maura's house, she gets the door for her and walks her to her apartment. With a gentle kiss, she tries to say goodnight, but Maura doesn't let her hand go.

"Come inside," Maura says softly and there is no innuendo, she just wants more time.

"I shouldn't, Maura," Jane denies.

"No funny business," Maura promises. "I just don't want this to end."

Jane thinks about it and she knows she should refuse her, but Maura's hold wins out and then she's following her inside. She's realizing she can't say no to her, especially when her touch is burning into Jane's hand.

Layers are removed and then they're finding warmth in Maura's bed, their heads sharing a pillow while they spend the rest of their night talking and sharing occasional sweet kisses.

"Can I ask you something?" Maura asks during a period of silence.

"Go ahead," Jane prompts.

"You seem like you don't really enjoy being a Marshal, so why do you do it?" Maura questions.

"It pays the bills," Jane sighs while averting her eyes.

Maura kisses her nose to get her attention again and pleads with her eyes for Jane to elaborate.

"It didn't quite turn out to be what I thought it was," Jane begins. "I thought being a Marshal would be some big honorary thing. No one wants to be a beat cop forever; they wanna be detectives, agents and lieutenants. I got the offer and I took it. What they don't tell you is that 80% of the people you're protecting are criminals. They're bitter and disrespectful. They're self-righteous and undeserving, but they have information the government wants and needs. Sometimes protecting people like that, it gets exhausting."

"So that's what it felt like when you found out you had to protect someone like me," Maura understands.

"Honestly, yeah. But you've taught me so much, Maura. You aren't like that. I know that now," Jane promises her. "I can't stay away from you," she adds in laughter.

Maura smiles and leans forward to kiss her.

"Can I ask _you_ a question?" Jane wonders and Maura nods. "What was it like growing up in Arizona?" Jane wonders as she tucks a piece of stray, honey blonde hair behind Maura's ear. She wants to know everything about Maura and having spilled her guts about so many things she usually keeps bottled away, she thinks it's Maura's turn to share.

Maura closes her eyes a moment at the feel of Jane's touch before answering. "I was a foster child. I never knew who my real parents were," she admits.

"That must have been hard," Jane sympathizes.

"On some days it was. I often found myself hiding in quiet places and reading. I avoided people at all costs for a very long time. I always hoped it was a mistake and my parents would come looking for me," Maura explains sadly. "But I guess that's how every foster kid feels. They're bitter, but you know deep down they really want their parents to find them."

"What about the other foster kids? You didn't talk to them?" Jane asks.

"They bullied me a lot and called me names, like 'Maura the bore-a.' I learned to avoid them," Maura answers.

"That's relatively uncreative," Jane laughs while grabbing Maura's hand in support.

"Yeah it was," Maura joins in with her laughter. "But back then it hurt a lot more."

Jane frowns and squeezes Maura's hand apologetically. "They called me 'roly-poly Rizzoli' when I was younger," she admits.

"Did that even fit?" Maura wonders, looking Jane up and down to take in her thin bone structure.

"I had a lot of baby fat for a while," Jane chuckles. "I think the worst was frog-face, though."

Maura laughs and releases Jane's hand to stroke her cheek. "You have a beautiful face with absolutely no likeness to a frog," Maura says through chuckles.

"Why thank you, Miss Isles, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," Jane smiles.

"I've been known to be a true romantic," Maura jokes.

"And they said chivalry was dead. I'm dating the last surviving medieval knight," Jane adds in jest.

Maura is impressed by Jane's knowledge and even more excited that she's just referred to their current status as dating. She can't stop herself from leaning forward and kissing Jane. What is supposed to be a peck, turns into a languid and passionate battle of lips. When she pulls away, it's slowly to prolong contact for as long as possible and it's only far enough to barely feel Jane's breath against her lips.

"I really should go," Jane says, her eyes still closed and her forehead still pressed unwaveringly to Maura's. "We both have to work in the morning," she sighs sadly. Moments later she's getting out of bed despite Maura's desire to protest.

Maura so badly wants her to stay the night again, but she knows Jane will refuse. She tries to get up and follow Jane to the door, but the brunette leans down and kisses her. "Don't get up," she whispers against her lips. "Get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow," she promises before planting one last peck and then heading to the door.

Maura watches the door close and once Jane locks it from outside, her face splits into the biggest smile.

She's just had the most amazing date ever with a woman. A woman she's realizing she has strong feelings for and for once in her life, she feels lucky.


End file.
